E-Squared:  The 10-year anniversary edition (with a Manifesting Scavenger Hunt!!) GET IT HERE

When life pitches a curveball

“Love is a mighty force, capable of raising us to the very pinnacle of being and into its darkest abyss.”—Andrew Anthony1ab222

I’m flying home from Virginia Beach this afternoon. I just gave a workshop on my book, Living Big, at Edgar Cayce’s Association for Research and Enlightenment.

It’s a truly magical place. The sand on the beach contains healing crystals and every fourth person, it seems, is either a psychic or a medium. It’s the perfect destination for a mom whose current passion is keeping her own spirit alive along with the spirit of her daughter.

The elephant-in-the-room question came up during the workshop. How do you cope with the massive rip in your understanding of the universe? I’m the writer, after all, who regularly blogged about being the luckiest person on the planet.

I’m not sure I gave a very good answer. Losing your only child is brutal terrain. But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

And I’ve concluded that I use many of the techniques I write about in my books and on this blog.

1. I use the two magic words. It’s okay. It’s okay to be tormented with overwhelming emotions, to wonder what she’d be doing if she were still alive. It’s okay to sob uncontrollably, to stay in bed after the sun rises. It’s okay to question whether life is still worth living. It’s okay to feel any emotion that happens to show its face.

2. I practice gratitude. I mean, I got to spend 25 years with this incredible being of light and love. I was a 37-year-old singleton with no real prospects in sight when she chose to hang out with me. Literally, she was a life-changing gift–the most amazing, the most compassionate, the wisest person I ever met. I also appreciate the fact I never had to struggle with issues many parents face: drug addiction, mental illness, etc. Taz was brilliant. She was kind. She was perfect.

Another upside of navigating the chasm in my life is that it puts life’s petty annoyances into perspective.

3. I choose thoughts that make me feel better.  Thoughts that don’t feel good, thoughts that suck the big one go like this:

This isn’t fair.
I’ll never be a grandparent.
She won’t get to experience so many important life events (weddings, kids) 

Believe me, those thoughts vie for my attention.

But, as I preach in my books and workshops, I get to choose which thoughts to animate into my life. And I’ve learned from personal experience that I am much happier and more hopeful when I focus on enduring connection, on life being bigger than this little flesh suit, on the idea that she’s still right here, as present as she ever was.

When I look through my 38 photo albums (yes, I was a proud momma), it’s easy to recognize life’s changing physicality. Even before she had the aneurysm, it was obvious Taz was no longer the darling five-year-old starting kindergarten with her flowered dress and her pink backpack. She was no longer the seven-year-old in the Bahamas with the parrot on her shoulder. She was no longer the 21-year-old standing among the ruins of Machu Pichu.

Now, instead of a body frozen into one reality, Taz is unfettered and free, joyfully dancing throughout the cosmos.

And there’s no reason (except my stubbornnes) that she and I can’t continue to communicate. The other day, I got an intuitive hit to run my car radio’s scan function. I use it when I’m traveling, but I was driving the familiar streets of my hometown. I know the local stations. I chose my favorites long ago. Why would I run a scan?

The first hit was a twangy country and western melody. Then I got some preacher railing about abortion or something. And then I got a “station” clearly broadcasting a familiar voice. There was no mistaking Taz uttering two words that always made my heart sing, “Hi mom!” It so floored me that my frantic efforts to stop the scan were in vain.

Call me delusional, appoint me mayor of crazy town (as my friend, Anita Moorjani says, Whenever someone suggests such a thing, she almost falls off her unicorn), but I choose to believe these happier thoughts. And I am remain grateful for all beautiful reminders that life is bigger and grander and more wildly miraculous than I will ever understand.

Pam Grout is the author of 19 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, Art & Soul,Reloaded: A Year-Long Apprenticeship to Summon the Muses and Ignite Your Daring, Audacious, Creative Side.

93 Responses

  1. 💗💗💐💗💗🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

    Margaret Hickman m. 07967 733735


  2. You are so human and that likely explains why I can learn from you.

    I have a 24 year old daughter and it would rip my heart to shreds if she were gone even though we are not close now.

    It makes perfect sense to be grieving this way. Do what you need – but keep coming back. I need you.


    Sent from my iPhone


    1. Hi Debby,

      I believe we all need each other. I thought about the following sometime ago and now seems the right time to mention, propose, an idea that was sent to me.
      I say that even when Pam is not posting as often as she used to I think we should all keep the dialogue open about our own personal uplifting trials and tribulations in the comment section. Or at least something to that effect.

      With love and gratitude,
      Michael A. Stilinovich

    1. You are a source of inspiration. Hang in there!! Be strong! You have still a long way to go in keeping inspiring lots of lots of people.

  3. So glad to hear from you, Friend. A shining light in the e-mail in-box! You never cease to amaze me with your beautiful perspective and insights. Such a wonderful life that you and Taz have given each other. And I do believe that your relationship, moving forward, will be just as special, in many ways, as your Earthly relationship. But it takes a very special mama to really go with that, and hit that curve ball out of the park.
    Much love,
    Pamela Joy

  4. Trying to post again (mine did not post, but kept telling me it was a duplicate). Oh well. So glad to hear from you again, Friend! You are always a shining light in the e-mail in-box with your beautiful perspective and insights. You and Taz certainly have given each other wonderful lives, and I believe that your relationship, moving forward, will be just as special in many ways, as your Earthly relationship. I am glad you know that, too!
    Much love,
    Pamela Joy

  5. Thank you so much for posting this, and as usual, the timing of the Divine is awesome. I was at my laptop finishing up notes and thank you’s to fam and friends after my mom’s memorial Mass yesterday, as your post came through. I know my mom is still around me, and I try to be positive and know that my emotions resonate through the Universe, but dang, I just plain hurt sometimes. I know I can talk to her, and she hears me, but it still sucks. I sincerely appreciate your sharing these three techniques to get through your pain.

    I work with an energy worker and she tells me every time she sees me that my mom is by my left side, usually stroking my hair. Moma has come to me several times since she’s passed – usually as a bird I don’t see often; when I was writing her eulogy, a bird that hasn’t been seen in this area in 15 years sat on my deck the entire day (and haven’t seen him since), and once I guess I was “vibe-ing high” (wasn’t a dream, I was clearly awake) and I was with my granddaughter (named for my mom) and I heard a voice say, “Hold my hand; I am with you” (thinking I was saying this to my granddaughter), but when I looked at my hand, it was my mom’s hand holding mine.

    I know you’re writing about your daughter, but with your experience of losing your mom as well, (and I’m single too; when all my siblings have their spouses for extra support) and your openly sharing your journey, I find a connection with you, and for that, I am sincerely grateful. Blessings to you, Pam.

  6. Pam – your post was completely sent to me at the right moment. I just got off the phone with my 24 year old son who is struggling – drinking, drugs, who he is. That kind of struggling. It was clear on the phone that he had been drinking. After getting off the phone after a strange conversation, I opened my email as a distraction to my “not very happy” thoughts. Thank you for helping me to remember the bigger picture. He is trying. Just reaching out to call me is a small step. I am thankful for that step and THAT HAS TO BE MY OVERRIDING THOUGHT. Thank you for choosing to continue writing. I think of you and Taz often. I wish you could call her on the phone. Just to chat. I know her spirit indeed lives on in you. Love you Pam. Thanks again.

  7. My heart breaks for you, and the fact that you keep writing and sharing is a testament to your gift. Thank you,Pam. and thank you,Taz, for spreading sprinkles of love everywhere! 222:)

  8. I’m so glad to hear from you Pam. You won’t believe this (well you will of course!) but just yesterday I thought to myself “hmm, I haven’t had a ‘new post’ email from Pam for ages. I hope she’s ok.” And at that moment I turned to page 222 of the novel I was reading! I took a photo and intended to send it to you but forgot and now here you are, the very next day!! I LOVE the universe! And I am so grateful for you Pam and for your deep, raw, beautiful honesty. For sharing your pain and your joy with us. For reminding us that ALL of it IS ok, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Thankyou. Biggest hugs to you and loads of grateful love dear Pam
    PS I’ll send the photo & a couple of others right now! 😁

  9. Hi Pam. Please read a book called Mourning has Broken by Erin Davis. You both have so much in common. Best wishes.

  10. Wow Pam. You always make my day so much better and I always feel so grateful that I manage to have the breakfast of champions when I hear from you … my first espresso of the day along with some smashed avocado on sourdough toast and Pam Grout – what a delicious breakfast!!

  11. I really admire your strength Pam
    And when i see 222 or the Taj Mahal i often think of you and your daughter.
    You really are a beautiful soul who has shown such strength amongst such pain.💕🦄

  12. You are an Angel, Pam and such is Taz. I am such a great fan of your books. I have shared many fun energy experiments with kids and we have all developed that spark that the Universe has got our back. You are a miracle worker and we need many of you in this planet. Thank you for listening to your true self and share it with us. It is inspiring and a good example to follow. Thanks for sharing your recent story about how Taz is everywhere. I also chose to believe that miracles happen and that we are all connected. No time, no space. Just pure Energy and Love.
    Sending blessings your way. 🙂

  13. Pam, Thank you for sharing with us. I missed your inspiration.

    I see 222 on my digital clocks, on license plates, also randomly and I think of you and Taz. Yes, beloveds use the radio, the telephone, TV and dreams to communicate their love and presence, but you already know that. Love to you, Ann

  14. You are a wonderful guiding light thank you for sharing and helping me through my loss

  15. That was so beautiful .. thank you so much for sharing with us all. I love when I see your emails ~ they always make me think and make my day brighter. So much love to you and Taz.

  16. “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

  17. 1. Two days ago I asked for a sign, any sign that it isn’t just ashes to ashes, dust to dust, as my idea of more than a flesh suit (you so aptly coined) was wavering…drifting away
    2. Two days ago I wrote you a letter, never intending to send it (it still sits on my desktop) reaching out, wanting so very much to just hang out and get your hit on many things….then this post from you. It pretty much was the ‘sign’ as you addressed everything I was reaching for, some reassurance that “it’s okay”. Thank you Pam.

  18. I love you Pam! Hi Taz! Thanks for being with your Mom whenever she needs you! Have fun dancing with the stars!

  19. Your voice and your message shine such a bright and hopeful light. For everyone, but specially for those you are faced with the loss of their child, their single child and most valued treasure. I know a dear woman who lost her 20 year old jewel of a girl that would fit exactly the description of what Taz meant to you. We are not close friends and although I believe your story might be a great gift to her, I hesitate to turn her on to your story, only because I don´t know how to do it in a way that is appropriate and un intrusive. Meanwhile, I thank you for shining such an immeasurable light for all of us parents alike.

  20. You cannot be appointed the Mayor of Crazytown because I’m pretty sure I already hold the post! How absolutely wonderful (and not at all surprising) that you and Taz continue to communicate and stay close. I was just thinking about you today; in fact I commented to my husband that in spite of being dealt the unfathomable, you continue to walk the walk, and in so doing help all of us to stay on the path as well. You are an inspiration and a blessing to the world! Thank you!
    Much Love and Peace,

  21. Hi Pam,

    It has been a long time since I have had the time to open emails and read them, but I was drawn to open yours today and read about your loss.

    I know I will never have the “right” words to say to you. I have been sitting here staring at the computer, and nothing seems appropriate, worthy or understanding but I had to reach out and let you know that I will pray that our collective love can support you through the times when you find it hard to do it yourself.

    You have brought so much joy into my life and I can only hope in some way that I can return the gift… even if it’s only energetically and neither of us will ever know!

    Sending love Pam. Shannon x

  22. Love you to the moon and back, Pam! Or maybe Jupiter… I think that’s farther! ❤️❤️❤️

  23. Yes! Yes! Yes! You’re establishing your new relationship with Taz, connecting with her on a different wavelength. And how brilliant of her to come through your car radio. I can’t imagine losing my child, but focusing on gratitude helps create magic, as you know.

  24. Hello Pam,
    Longtime fan from Portland, Or. Years back, you and I connected when I submitted a story about my son Henry. You shared it on your blog ~ ages ago. I wanted to let you know he recently passed away, 2 mo. ago, at 14yrs old, sudden and unexpected heart failure. I love your sharing of hiw you walk through all of your heartbreak. I resonate with all of it. Thanks for your continued honesty. xoMadeline

  25. Beautiful profound post. You’ve had to struggle with such an enormous cross and I can only send my respect and love to you. May you continue to feel the spirit of your daughter and may you be supported in numerous ways as you traverse this valley of grief and pain. I’m sure this post alone will help so many other people facing great sorrow.

  26. Pam, You are having a huge impact on so many of us! On behalf of all of your fans, THANK YOU. We love you. We appreciate you. We are changed by you. We are better because of you. We love you.

  27. I love you, Pam Grout, and I’ve never ever met you in person. While I cannot say I know how you feel, I admire your tenacity and unabashed honesty with us all. You are in my thoughts, often, as I deal on a day-to-day basis with my mentally ill son, who, unlike Taz, has caused me great heartache while he’s still on this Earth. I wonder sometimes what I’m supposed to learn from him, and other times I tell the Universe the lessons can end any time, any how. Bless you, always, Pam.

  28. Dear Pam,

    I am stunned reading this, I had no idea that your daughter passed away, I am so sorry. How could I miss this? I was surprised to get your newsletter in such a long time. Have you had written about this before? If so, I’d like to read it (I couldn’t find it).

    There’s no words that anyone can give so I’m not trying that at all, but simply just to share only if you don’t mind. When my father passed away by himself at home in Osaka Japan, I was in New York. I went back for the funeral and all other things, I came back to NY and went straight to this Japanese girl healer. I was able to talk with my father’s spirit on the other side through her. He told me that right after he died, he came to see me in NY and he was concerned that I was up on the computer till 5am every day, which was exactly what I was doing. He told me that he loves me and not to worry. I knew the spirit is eternal, but the actual experience was unbelievable.



      1. Hi Elliot,

        Thanks to you, I was able to catch up.
        I don’t know how you missed it all.
        God bless you and have a wonderful weekend!

  29. Your play-shop at the ARE was wonderful – I have been attending (and presenting) there for several decades, and I can assure you that yours was one of the best I have been to over the years. And I think your answer to Fay’s question was perfect…perfectly honest, perfectly authentic, perfectly you. Your dedication to walking the talk is inspiring!

  30. Folks tend to confuse positive thinking with getting what you want all the time. And then when something awful happens they say well that doesn’t work. It’s not like that at all. And also, what appears awful can be grace in action beyond our ability to immediately recognize what’s happening. This positive paradigm doesn’t mean all your sorrows go away. In realizing that comes much wisdom. This isn’t a ‘get what you want all the time’ device. It’s a state of being in grace, and a great comfort during profound loss.

  31. I couldn’t get you out of my mind yesterday as I stared at my daughter. Her boyfriend graduated Law School and we returned to their N. Lawrence Duplex afterward. I have wanted to write to you for a long time but I can’t seem to get through a letter without bawling. Looking at my beautiful daughter, yesterday, with my imagining of what you have gone through forced me to excuse myself for a while. I love and appreciate you, Pam. While it saddens me that you have had to experience such loss, you are, nonetheless, a wonderful mentor because of your honesty and willingness to allow us a glimpse into your process. I absolutely know you are right about Taz communicating. Hold the reins when you get really good at listening. She may have a book she wants you to transcribe.
    Thank you for saying “Yes” to sharing your Loving Light.

  32. I love hearing from you. I’m supposed to doing a ton of other stuff but I spotted your email and plonked myself down to read it straight away. Thank you for reminding me of the magic of life. Love it when the messages get through from our loved ones. Wonder how many we miss. Love to you and Taz – please say hi to her from NZ. Xx

  33. THANK YOU thank you thank you for being you and bring out your honesty . . . and wisdom . . . and love . . . you and your daughter help a lot of people . . . THANK YOU -Lots of Love from Germany

  34. Ms Grout, I agree with you, completely!

    A friend told me that there’s a test to tell if your mission here is complete; if you’re alive it’s not.

    Bless your heart!


  35. Dear Pam

    Love your work.

    You are not delusional – I can hear my Dad clear as a bell. Just as you heard Taz.



  36. Hi Pam!
    There is a movie you have to see – if you haven’t yet!
    SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME (made in 2017 with Renee Zellweger, inspired by a real story)
    I watched it yesterday on Netflix. It is so empowering…
    I thought about you and about the legacy you’re carrying.
    Thank you for sharing with us your findings concerning the truths of our life and, please, come here as often as you can!

  37. That is so cool Taz got her message to you via the radio!! 😀 Not all of us are psychic mediums, so Taz had to be a little more creative with her messaging platform 😉 We are One beyond the ego veil, we’re way more connected than we imagine. We never left God, we just think we did. We’re already at home together, mentally reviewing that which has gone by. Keep remembering and returning to the light (like you are, you inspiring person). Love your posts & insights xox

  38. Hi Pam – I just wanted to remind you of what you already know – the body is temporary – the spirit – eternal. I’m so sorry for your physical loss. It’s the worst you can go through (I think having experienced it myself) and still be alive. The pain is often unbearable and no words can express the depth of how you feel. AND – all you have written remains true – there are no mistakes in this universe – it all happens for your highest good – every day! Not by fluke or error – ALWAYS FOR YOUR HIGHEST GOOD – each and every day. All that’s important that we can do each and every day – is be love in the world. That’s what our loved ones want for us – that’s all important!! Ego – as you know – separates us from love. Love is the all important – Taz is love – you are love – you are teaching the world love. Thank you for all you do for us – sending love – Always Beth

    Sent from my iPhone


  39. You always say what I need to hear, Pam. Think of you and your Taz, your journey, your teachings, and how I am so grateful to have crossed your path. Stay on the road and keep the lighthouse lit.

  40. There is a song that says “it is well with my soul” so what I read here really makes me remember those words and another thing people must learn not to complain but just take situation as it is and try to make better outcome out of that situation.

  41. Thank you so much beautiful Momma. Value appreciate your honesty. My heart is with you.
    Love & Light in Rockin on .
    Cheers Doris

  42. Very simply, you are an inspiration. Thank you for being you and for sharing your light in our beautiful, albeit challenging, world..

  43. I too have lost a daughter and gone through the heart ripping, unfillable hole in my heart. But since her passing(along with my husbands and fathers) i found the spiritual side i have always been looking for. I now have found my psychic abilities and see her on a regular basis as she pops in to say hi. I understand now that this was her choice of life time and my choice of learning the loss of a child. Not that that makes it any easier. Because of her deep seated religious feelings it would have caused a great rift in our relationship had i found my “calling” while she was alive. You just dont talk to angels, see spirit, or have an ability to help others heal themselves or their lives, like i do now, in her world. She stops in to visit quite often and lets me know she is here by knocking her teddy bear off my filing cabinet if i am not paying attention. I use her hand made teddy bear for distance Reiki so it is always at hand. She died of cancer at 44 leaving me with 3 grown grandchildren who have given me 8 greatgrandchildren. She is lovingly remembered always. The grief is always there to an extent but lessens when she stops by. It does get easier as time goes on to cope. She has been gone 5 yrs now. It helps to know she is still close by even if you cant hold them.

  44. My God, what an INSPIRATION you are to all of Humanity and to those of us who, like you, are struggling with loss. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for continuing to do the magnificent work that you do. God Bless You & Lady Taz.

  45. Was amazing to meet you once and more Thanh I read your mails I want to see you again and learn with you. Thank you so much for share Pam. Send love and lights from Brazilian fan.

  46. Hi Pam- I’ve enjoyed reading your blogs and books for several years now. Thank you for your creativity and inspiration. I do not have children and can only imagine what it is like to lose your only child, particularly at such a young age. I admire your fortitude to continue writing, sharing your feelings through this difficult process.

    I hope knowing how much you touch the hearts of many people with your insightful messages will help heal your heart. ❤️ Michelle Bentcliff


  47. Everyone else has said it so beautifully. I hope you can feel my love and admiration coming your way. You are amazing.

  48. Pam – I love this. You are helping so many people who like you have lost a precious loved one. They are getting to see their loss through your wise and you are getting to work through your loss. And Taz is watching with admiration. Win win. Love you!

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  49. Pam,

    This isbrilliant. 

    I am a long-timemember of ARE and am in a small study group with an 80+’years youngster wholost both is wife and oldest son last year. 

    He’s always on aneven keel about most things in life but these deaths shook him.

    I forwarded thisto him and his response came back ” Thank you, thank you, thankyou Ginny. I really needed this and appreciate it and you very much.”

    I just wanted youto know how far-reaching your blessings go.

     May the Source Continueto Bless You!!

     Ginny Jenkins

  50. Pam my heart aches for you. But I admire you and respect you so much for how you are living your beliefs and sharing with us. ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻

  51. Your blogs always lift me higher. Thank you for living your truth. Continued blessings as u navigate the loss and rise of Taz.

  52. My heart goes out to you, Pam. And I have no doubt that Taz travels with you. How blessed the two of you are. Dynamic in what you share. And there are no coincidences. A voice said “click this and read before you move on to what you ‘thought’ you would do, Bernadette.” Thank you for the re-minder. It’s been a challenging day in the grief department and it just got a little better … more than a little better … because of you … and Taz.

    I am two years down the road and my Beloved sends me messages in such a variety of ways that I now keep a journal of them. Not to anchor us in the past but to help ME see us in the present. He is not gone but I am aware that my “stubbornness” makes me quite unreachable at times. Am a long-time Course student and so grateful for that but, you know, some days “I am not a body, I am free…” bites it. HaHaHa. Prayers for peace and comfort, dear one. Love the Light you shine.

  53. I just read this post. I love you Pam. I know, as well as you, that Taz is still with you. It’s over the top that she managed to commandeer your radio station and speak the words you needed to hear. I feel a connection with you because your words of wisdom, love, and compassion have helped me through some very difficult times, and I don’t even know you personally. We’ve never met, but I feel like you’re a soul sister and a mentor rolled all in one. I can only imagine how fortunate Taz must have felt to have YOU for a Mom and the connection you two must have had. Of course she’s still with you. She’ll never leave you.

  54. You use these words to describe your daughter: “the most amazing, the most compassionate, the wisest person I ever met”. Perhaps the message in her physical passing is that you are to become more of what you think Taz is.

  55. I am a 61 yo stroke survivor (bad one) of over 9 years now. I have some limitations, but, except for a few memory and vision issues, my acuity is all wonderfully there. My Dad passed coming up on 3 years now. My Sis passed this previous January of cancer (she had 3 kinds, the brain cancer was the fatal one). I want to thank you for what you and Anita M have done for me. I now run a Facebook page on LoA, God, and Quantum Physics – people are beginning to join and I am simply fascinated by my new belief system. I have money where there was none and more coming from there. Usually, just enough for what I need at the moment. Things happen all the time and my too mantras are “All things are perfect” and “It is what it is”. Those got me through the funeral, though the second came after. People ask me how I can handle it and feel so sorry for me. I tell them she is better than before. I tell them I am still so happy I could jump for joy even with my 2 replaced hips! Life is so wonderful, so perfect. I am so very sorry you do not have Taz physically standing next to you. I am so very sorry my Sis is not physically here to watch her 2 granddaughters (4 and 5, I believe) continue to grow. But, it is not lost on me that they still see, still know, still exist. I think, after your radio confession,I will listen a bit harder when my Sis continues to show up in my dreams…
    Scott L Vannatter

  56. Beauty.full Pam,

    I’ve thought about reaching out to you for years and don’t know why I am just now doing it, but all in perfect timing, I guess!

    I first came across your work about three years ago when a friend and I went through all the experiments of E-squared together. It was magical. I now wake up every morning and give gratitude for all the miracles that will be coming into my life that day, all thanks to Thank and Grow Rich. To say your books have changed my life is an understatement. Three years ago I was unsure of what direction I wanted to take with my career/service to the world. After finding the practice of gratitude (and breath and presence and kindness and LOVE) to get me through some quite difficult times (and finally having that aha moment during an energy healing session that my “job” in this world is to Be Light), I have since devoted myself to living, teaching and spreading gratitude and appreciation in the world.

    I started a “business” a little under a year ago that builds technology practice tools and offers educational events in schools and hospitals on cultivating gratitude and encouraging *mudita . *It’s been quite the journey so far and I am just so grateful to have the opportunity to do this. On hard days, I remind myself how blessed I am to be *alive* and to have the knowledge, energy, support, etc. to go on this journey. And, on extra hard days, I look to what I call the “god-mothers” of the project, you included. I consult your books, ask for energetic support, write in my journal for guidance – you and a few other of my dearest teachers have been there every step of the way. And I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for your inspiration. Thank you for being a living example of your work. Thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability. Thank you for teaching me that It’s Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Long story short, I am in a re-alignment phase of the business. Rebranding (From Empowerball to Belight), narrowing in on the target audience (started off with customers in all industries with “underappreciated” employees, now narrowing in on hospitals and hoping to move in to schools to teach the art of gratitude and appreciation in our next generation of employees/leaders), and overall just reconnecting to my why and what feels light to me. The business/tech world, energetically, is quite out of alignment a lot of time with my deepest hearts desires and ways of being, so I am navigating how to create my own way of interacting and being with it all. Anyway, part of this reset is… I lost my housing in Jackson, WY (where I’ve lived for the last 11 years), ran out of money/am dealing with my relationship with it? (personally and in the business) so I packed my belongings into my car and drove (with my fur baby, Mowgli!) cross country back to VA where I grew up. I am now under my mom’s roof, feeling unconditionally loved and supported. Part of me wanted to chalk up the last year to “90% of startups fail.” The (greater) part of me knows I have not failed, I’ve just hit a rough patch. I now have space to look with clear eyes and learn from the past year – what went well, what challenges I faced – and go into the next chapter/evolution of this creative expression stronger, smarter and more aligned.

    As I reset, instead of just reaching out to you through my prayers and writing, I thought maybe I’d reach out for “real.” And then seeing that you were in VA, I took it as a sign. Would you have space/interest in connecting sometime? I’m sure you get a lot of these requests, so please know there is absolutely no pressure. Just figured…you don’t get what you don’t ask for.

    Thank you for making the space to read this and for all you do for me and so many others.

    With love, light and gratitude,


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