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Pinching myself over my extreme good fortune

“Let me be clear. I do feel like a contest winner.”— W. Kamau Bell

bourdainIn a profound and heartbreaking scene on last night’s Parts Unknown, Anthony Bourdain tells W. Kamau Bell, as they gaze over the Kenyan landscape, that he has to f***ing pinch himself because he can’t believe he gets to do and see all this.

I know the feeling. I’m frequently dumbfounded that a preacher’s kid from small-town Kansas has been blessed to experience Kenya, Turkey, Japan, Peru and many of the same countries as the celebrity chef. But even more sublime is that I also get to experience, to feel and to know the life force that ACIM 267 so eloquently promises, that Anthony Bourdain temporarily forgot last June.

I get the joy of knowing I am surrounded by love, that peace fills my heart and floods my body. I get the peace of knowing that every single thing I need is given me, that my every breath infuses me with strength.

As for Anthony Bourdain, whose shocking suicide stunned us all, we have to ask:

Didn’t he know how much we loved him?
Doesn’t he realize how beautiful he is, how much joy he gave us?

Having these thoughts reminds me of what our Source thinks about us as we go about our lives, not appreciating the truth of who we really are.

I know who you are, Anthony Bourdain, and I thank you for sharing your beauty and your truth with the world.

Pam Grout is the author of 19 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, Art & Soul,Reloaded: A Year-Long Apprenticeship to Summon the Muses and Ignite Your Daring, Audacious, Creative Side.

22 Responses

  1. I was always amazed by his eloquence and his depth and soulfulness. Especially in this last episode narrated and produced by him. I did however see a sadness and emptiness in his eyes and he looked tired during parts of the episode that differed from previous. Maybe there was some foreshadowing when he said he felt he had told his story. We will never know. But we did “see” him and loved him.

  2. It was so sad to hear that Anthony Bourdain ended his life One never knows the emotional pain someone has if they don’t reach out. May he rest in peace.

  3. You bring me peace and joy whenever I read your sweet heartfelt messages. Thank you so much! Love Leanne 🙏🙏💕

    Sent from my iPhone


  4. Thank you, Pam. I loved Anthony Bourdain too, and wondered at the pain he must have felt that would cause him to take his life. He was so loved.

  5. How do we know his death was not part of the Divine Plan? Not for us to judge~he fulfilled his mission as well as he could.

  6. Thanks Pam. I read all of your posts and they are always a great reminder of truth! But this post made me want to comment. Anthony Bourdain was so real he made you feel like you were right there with him. Thanks for writing about him. As sad as it is without him he’s work is still such a pleasure to watch and read.

  7. Even though I didn’t know Anthony Bourdain or see any of his programs, as someone who has been deeply depressed to the point of not wanting to be here anymore I’d like to say that I think for many people it’s not so much about knowing how loved you are by others or even by source, but it’s about not loving yourself, no matter how many people love you. When you don’t value yourself – even if you know others do – and you don’t think you’re worthy of life and love (even though logically that is ridiculous because of course we all are), then that I think is often why people take their lives. They don’t feel worthy of love and they don’t know how to love themselves. But whatever the reason Anthony Bourdain took his life, Thankyou Pam for honouring him here and for reminding us all that there is soooo much love for us, that we have all we need within us, and when we remember this amazing truth our lives are richly blessed 🦋
    Peace to you and to all who knew and loved Anthony Bourdain 💖⭐️

    1. Jenny Louise, when I didn’t want to be here anymore, it was because of deep grief. The pain in my heart was more intense than any physical pain I had ever experienced. I took enough pills to leave, but was taken to the hospital (against my will) and had my stomach pumped out. So, it wasn’t my time to go. That was 26 years ago. I look at suicide differently than most people. It was Anthony Bourdain’s time to go and he chose the way he left like we all do.

  8. I was physically assaulted by my boyfriend today during a disagreement. I’ve been at a low point, but reading this gave me a glimmer of light. There’s so much to be grateful for. Thank u Pam.

    1. Doris, This is a different Pam responding. I just read your comment, and I hope you are getting help about your domestic assault situation. Even if this was the first time it has happened, it is not likely to be the last time. Please get help (therapy, protection, anything) to prevent this from happening again. Know that you do not have to endure assault or abuse, from him or anyone. I just wanted you to know that you have been heard (I knew I must have kept Pam Grout’s e-mail in my in-box for a reason. It was to find it, read the comments, and respond to YOU!).
      Be true to yourself, be kind to yourself, protect yourself (or get help to protect you).
      Love and strength to you,
      Pamela Joy

      1. Thank you so much Pam for taking the time to respond to me. I am getting help. I am taking care of myself. Taking it one day at a time. Thanks again.

  9. Thanks for another beautiful post. We all know on some level that we are so lucky but there are moments when the chemistry in our brains sends out these weird signals. I think many that take medication to try to quiet the voice in the brain don’t do well with the medications. Our brains lie to us sometimes and we have to figure out when to not listen to the trolls. My heart broke for him and his family as well as other’s that have succumbed.

  10. This is the first time I have not agreed with you. Us aka the public that read his books or watched him on TV seeing and loving him is not real people loving him. We are the masses seeing and loving him for the public mask he put on. I wish he had seen and felt the real people in his life that saw the man as he was in his personal life and loved him.

  11. As Abraham has said many times. We all make too much of death. From their perspective, it is no more than a decision to no longer focus in this particular way. There is no death. Sometimes the best actors are those that are trying to convince themselves. And like a few above have said already, the only love that really makes a difference is self-love. If you don’t have that you will always be deficient.

  12. I just read this today in the round up from Oct 1st and I am sitting in a cafe with tears down my face.
    These words ” Didn’t he know how much we loved him?
    Doesn’t he realize how beautiful he is, how much joy he gave us? ”
    have resonated so deeply within myself and thoughts i’ve had about my own struggles and I just want to say thank you.
    Thank you so much

    Kaitlyn xxx

  13. Pam,Where are you? It seems like I haven’t gotten an email post from you for awhile.MIss you. Julia Skolnick509 ConstructionLIC#  992944509.Construction213-280-9355

  14. I haven’t received any mail since this one. I miss your mails sooo much. Is everything ok? Maybe my email is wrong? 😫

    Enviado desde mi iPhone

    El 24 sep 2018, a la(s) 11:33 a. m., Pam Grout escribió:

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