E-Squared:  The 10-year anniversary edition (with a Manifesting Scavenger Hunt!!) GET IT HERE
Facebook-square Twitter-square Rss-square

76 Trombones in the Thought Parade

“I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts.”—A Course in Miracles

Remember the movie, Broadcast News, where Holly Hunter’s character unplugs her phone, checks her watch and takes sixty seconds to sob her eyes out? Every single day. 

If I remember correctly (keep in mind this movie is so old that Holly still had a landline to unplug), she does this for stress relief, to get the angst out of her system so she can be “okay” for the rest of the day.

This time of year, I feel a little like Holly Hunter, boo-hooing and getting a few things out of my system. Today happens to be Taz’s birthday. She would have been 31. And in a week, on the 15th, it will be six years since the unexpected cerebral aneurysm.

So every early October, I’ve noticed, my ego gets a little aggressive, I get a little weepy and well, we both (my ego and me) have an abbreviated pity party……

….even though I know Taz was a sacred gift on loan from Creation. Even though I still feel her presence with me. Even though I know that death is just a story.  

The story of Taz is one I miss desperately.

By the time she landed in my womb, I had accumulated a couple degrees, three decades of experience and some notable, if sporadic, accomplishments.  

But it was Taz that taught me all the things I really needed to know, like how to slow down, how to marvel at tiny, everyday things, how to laugh, to dance and how to make a room-size fort out of sofa cushions.

But the two biggest lessons I learned from my brilliant, kind, creative daughter is how much love a heart can hold (Like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that monumental day in October 1993) and how vital it is to embrace every day, every moment, every second.

Death has a way of slapping us in the face with the reminder that life is short and uncertain and that uttering or promoting any message but “I love you. I have always loved you” is a complete and utter waste of time. This is it, friends, right now. And the only question worth asking is “How can I use this right now moment to be more generous, wide open and fully alive?”

Last week, I traveled to Omaha to partake in Valerie Kaur’s Revolutionary Love Tour. The social justice activist is visiting 45 cities to promote the beautiful idea that “there is no you and me.” Each stop on the tour is a grand celebration of love and possibility.

She talks a lot about her Sikh grandfather who would always say to her, “Do not abandon your post, my dear.” Even when sobbing, even when life appears cruel, even when the ego seems to have the floor.

So rest assured, my friends, I will never abandon my post. And if you want to know more about Valerie, here’s a beautiful interview with her and Brene Brown.

Happy birthday, Taz! And, as always, #222 Forever!!!

Pam Grout is the author of 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind (And Therefore Your World).

110 Responses

  4. I cannot know exactly what you feel, I have no children, but I’d like to thank you for acknowledging the pain you feel- those of us who grieve are sometimes told to just get over it after time has passed, or that death is just another phase and doesn’t really exist- but it does and the person we love isn’t physically here, and it’s right to grieve that- even while believing that something remains.

    Reply

  5. Beautiful words . So special to remember what gifts people bring us especially the daughters and sons that show us creation from the moment of conception to birth. Birthing the miracle through us in our human form. I remember that movie . Her crying scenes were such a view of stress release. I drive through forests of frees on my way to look after my divine grandson. I often cry and release . Not sure why but letting life flow through me in unspoken ways.
    Thank you for your words. Your books, your wisdom and your vulnerability. You are such a generous soul❤️you can’t abandon your post. You are it. Thank you

    Reply

  6. You and Taz have done so much to change the world for the better, in more ways that you realize. I feel you both every time I see 222 or a hedgehog, and it gives my mood a little lift, especially when I’m feeling despondent about things. You are both in my heart today (and almost every day!).

    Reply

  8. Happy Birthday Taz!
    Pam, your pain is palpable. I am sending love and I know nothing can touch that kind of pain but love.💗
    Lizzie

    Reply

  9. Heartfelt feelings of love going out to you at this poignant moment in time. Six years… I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter. And happy heavenly birthday sweet Taz!!!

    Reply

  10. Happy Birthday TAZ LOVE! I so feel how much you miss the physical presence of her beautiful energy, and so honor the relationship with her you’ve embraced! I’m sure she’s head cheer leader of your TOA — TEAM OF ANGELS! 💞😇🎉

    Also a huge THANK YOU to the amazing souls, practices & movements you connect us to! The Revolutionary Love Tour?! I AM totally on board! Also all-in with two-way prayer!! YOU are the bestest!! Actually YOU helped land my first TEDx Talk- happening 11/9! I don’t think I’ve shared that story yet, though I will!! Keep Shining Sister!!

    Reply

  11. I woke up today with “76 trombones led the big parade…” playing in my head. Now, I know why.

    Reply

  12. Thank you Pam for writing the words my heart feels but I somehow cannot put into the written version. Keep spreading your love, “the love”, and may Taz and you celebrate across the spiritual planes. I love your work, your stories and your heart ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply

  13. Here’s to celebrating Taz, and to celebrating you Pam. Know that the ripple effect you create is making giant waves. Thank you for never abandoning your post!

    Reply

  14. I had a friend who would give her mother a gift on her Bithday, with a note saying, “I wouldn’t be here without you.”

    So. Happy birth-day to you Pam and Happy Birthday to Taz. Both of you are a gift to all of us.
    💞 Flo

    Reply

  20. Sending extra big hedgehugs to you, in this season of TAZ.
    Grateful for the things she taught you that helped make you YOU,
    and that you then turn to us and teach us things that help make our
    lives better, more fun, and more loving!
    xox

    Reply

  22. Bon Anniversaire Taz❤️
    Many blessings for you Pam !
    I love you! Thank you for being here.
    xx

    Reply

  23. First, much love to you. ♥️

    I have been working on “letting go” of painful memories of the past, and I took the liberty of inserting love into part of what you wrote.

    The painful memory of Death has a way of slapping us in the face with the reminder that life is short and uncertain. When I become aware that my focus on the past creates fear, I try to get back into the present moment through following my breath. My heart knows only love, so uttering and promoting messages like, “I love you, or I have always loved you” is a valuable use of my time. This is it, friends, right now. The only question worth asking is “How can I use this moment to be more generous, wide open and fully alive?”

    You are inspirational!

    Love from my heart to yours…♥️

    Reply

  25. Happy birthday, dear Taz. I thank you and your mama for the difference you make in the world. 💞💞

    Reply

  26. Happy Birthday 🥳sweet beautiful Taz! And sending so much love to you Pam!! ❤️❤️And thank you for your posts!! I live for them! And thank you for not abandoning your post in every way. You are such gift to all of us!

    Reply

  28. Happy birthday to your amazingly awesome Taz! Your triple extra large heart has taught mine to FULLY EMBRACE the field of possibility. And for that, my heart is stretched and forever grateful to you and Taz 🥰. Big love to you my friend, always and especially in October.
    ❤️2❤️2❤️2❤️ Forever

    Reply

  29. Yesterday (8/10) I was charged Aus$ 222.00 for a consultation. Strange enough this did make me think of Taz immediately. But it was not until this morning when I learned, while reading your facebook page, that Taz’s Birthday was yesterday as well when I thought “Wow”.
    Still learning about you Pam and enjoying it. Stay strong at this special time. Lots of love.

    Reply

  32. Happy Birthday to the Beautiful Taz. 💖

    Can you feel the Love Pam? Love is Always and Forever Loving You.

    Extra for you this week and next. ✨️

    XOXO
    Karen

    Reply

  35. Happy Birthday, beautiful Angel Taz. You’re dearly missed, Honey.

    Pam, I know what it is to still feel the depths of missing our Angel Babies even though we know they’re alive, well, happy, still around us, and will greet us when we go Home. I tell myself that I’m too spiritual to still be feeling this grief, but I’ve read that feeling grief is simply feeling the love we still ache to give to our loved ones. I like the idea of crying it out for one minute, giving myself permission to just feel what I feel without judging myself. I’m so glad that you share your heart with us. It definitely helps me. Thank you for not leaving your post, dear One. We need you.

    Reply

  37. Many hugs for you, Pam. May Taz show you some spectacular signs this week, as a present to you.

    Reply

  38. As always, Pam, your words make me a better person. A good friend told me that some of us must experience challenges in life so that we can empathize with others in pain. Your pain is a blessing for many of us. I am sorry you can’t be with Taz, and I wish you peace during this time.
    I love how you’ve written, Taz was “A sacred gift on loan from creation.” You, my dear are also a very sacred gift to many people in this world. Much love, Ronnie

    Reply

    1. I believe pausing I am and what we are doing, saying and thinking, we can listen to our souls, the inner knower and cause of causes, sourcing the remedies and solutions we are seeking moment to moment.

      Reply

  41. Happy Birthday Taz ♥️

    Yes, I do pause. Take a breather. Look at my life and marvel.
    I love reading what you share.
    Always an inspiration 🙏🏼💕🙏🏼💕🙏🏼💕

    Reply

  42. Always so inspiring Pam! Thank you! God bless you and the beautiful bond you share with your daughter! Happy Birthday Taz 🎈

    Reply

  44. October 8th would have been my 64th anniversary. My late sister’s birthday was October 4th. So I understand, sympathize and am grateful for your words and reminders that now is all we have, and we honor them by living it well.

    Reply

  47. Taz is so beautiful!!!What an incredible presence in her short time in this human exoerience! What a wonderful day it will be when you are united in the next adventure!!!! Until then …thank you for staying and helping us souls still in these skin suits understand this human life a little bit better:) Happy this birthday Taz!!!

    Reply

  48. Pam, thank you for the beautiful note in remembrance of your lovely daughter. Your words hit home with me and reminded me of my own loves and their passing to the next realm. I’m honored that you share Taz’s continued presence with you through 222’s and hedgehogs. My presence comes in the form of feathers.
    I hope that you are able to continue to embrace the universe as you do. I know you have helped me to open up to the possibilities….that’s when my feathers started to arrive.
    Much love and kindness.

    Reply

  49. Thanks Pam for your beautiful tribute to Taz…she sounds wonderful…it was helpful for me as I grieve for the loss of my wonderful husband nearly 2 years ago….

    Reply

  52. Darling Pam sending you love from London. You inspire me daily, thank you for all you do. Happy birthday Taz ❤️

    Reply

  53. Sending belated birthday wishes to your dear and precious daughter Taz, and sending huge hugs filed with peace and love to you dear Pam. 🩷❤️🧡💜 Thankyou for sharing the photo of your beautiful daughter with us. There is so much love, kindness and gentleness in her eyes and soft smile. I hope you are able to spend all the time you need to feel all the feelings you feel during this month that must hold such mixed emotions for you. And even though you still have an amazing connection with Taz beyond this physical realm, it makes perfect sense to me that you desperately miss the story of Taz. I hope she sends heaps of extra special messages to you throughout October, and I hope all the love being sent to you from all of us here in your “blog world” helps you through these hard, yet beautiful, days. Biggest hugs and heaps of love from my heart to yours dearest Pam. Taz was a gift to you, and you are a gift to us. Thank you. 🙏🤗🌺🦋😘

    Reply

  54. Happy belated birthday Taz.
    I love you, Pam. You are not alone.
    Sending you lots of love and hoggies from Germany 🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔❤️

    Reply

  55. Happy birthday, Taz, and I have so much love for you, Pan and your wonderful, wise blog. Thank you, thank you for always reminding us that we are LOVE.

    Reply

  56. Happy Birthday, Taz!! You have inspired so many what a beautiful way to impact and spread love!
    Pam, my heart is with you – gorgeous words of wisdom (as always). 💗

    Reply

  57. Such a lovely lady, your Taz. Thank you for sharing those precious memories with us all.
    And, also, your continuing inspirational thoughts and writings that keep cheering us on!.
    Much love to you and Taz
    Debbie from New Zealand

    Reply

  58. Be sure to take some time for yourself. Your strength and Love are a great inspiration for many. Thank you for being you.❤️

    Reply

  59. I listened to an old interview of you on the Light Watkins show Tuesday night. You talked about how one of the times you heard God He said I didn’t give you this child just to take her away. I think that has next level meaning. It’s an echo of the Christ dipping into the material world but then reappearing in a spiritual manner within our own material world. We were given the Child but He is still present. I think it’s beautiful. Your willingness is epic and I find it very helpful when saying “I am not a body I am free”feels like a joke because I’m so tired I can’t move.

    When you did the Magical Mystery thingy with Mike Dooley I purchased the course. On the day of the first playshopI was cleaning my room and thinking and anticipating the course. I remember thinking as part of an inner conversation… “like You don’t put lipstick on a mirror… this occurred to me as a fresh new thought, of course the change has to be within! Later that day I joined the live playshop with delight. I was listening along when I nearly fell off the bed because you said “You don’t put lipstick in a mirror.” What!?!? But then I realized that the fp had already reached out and grabbed me. I think the sharing of miracles is The next level and it tickles me to pieces.

    Reply

  60. Hi Pam,

    My heart is sending so much love and light to you. I’m so glad to hear that Taz remains with you alive in this world, somehow and everywhere. As a grandmother to five and someone that has lived around death for many years (my husband is a funeral director/embalmer), I’ve thought about dying every day, how we all are confronted with it and how we cope and go on, survive. It brought me to write a children’s book about it, which I would love to send to you. Feel free to reply to my email and let me know your address.

    Here is the link so you can have a look: https://a.co/d/bCnCUhI.

    All my best to you,
    Laura

    Reply

Leave a Reply to psgroutCancel reply

Discover more from Pam Grout

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading