“I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then remember I’m not an actor.”—Stevie Oakley
Hello, friends! I haven’t written in a while because, well, I’ve been in hiding, hiding the fact that I’m not exactly feeling “amazingly awesome” right now. That’s not a comfortable admission for a writer who has staked her career on spreading hope and joy.
Everything feels like a bit “too much.” Too much isolation. Too much loss. Too much division. Too much white supremacy.
But amidst it all, I found a note from Taz, a note she had written to her gloves. On one side, she had written the words with which I titled this post: “A piece of good fortune in this glorious affair.” On the back, she wrote a thank you note to her gloves for keeping her hands warm with a reminder that no matter how long it seems, spring will someday come.
I’ve also encountered many other pieces of good fortune during this dark period including a new friend who created the most beautiful quilt from Taz’s t-shirts. I’ve encountered inspiring books, received notes from readers (one even included a mini beach ball, folded into the envelope) and glorious invitations, one of which I share below. My amazing partner of 18 years fixes me dinner almost every night. We’ve discovered countless new trails and parks.
And miracles, despite my weakened propensity to notice them right now, continue to show up. In a phone call with Hitaji Aziz, one of the recipients of this year’s 222 Foundation awards, I was reminded of the Course lesson “To give and receive are one in truth.” We were talking about her incredible work, about the best way to send the grant money. It was basically a business phone call. She stopped for a minute and asked, “What’s going on with your psoas muscle? I see bright red in that area.” Even though she was 700 miles away, she could clearly “see” the issues going on in my hip. She generously sent me a video and a meditation and a referral for a different kind of hip surgery. It was remarkable to me and a potent reminder that when you let God have the floor (which she did), miracles can be more readily orchestrated. Thank you once again, Hitaji!
I also want to let you know that I was invited to join Deepak Chopra, Gregg Braden, Rupert Sheldrake, Sue Morter and two dozen other scientists, healers, physicians and researchers for the FREE Science of Healing Summit that starts next week. You can listen to me and all 35 speakers by RSVP’ing at this link.
Did I mention it’s FREE?
As Taz (and the crocuses erupting in my front yard) remind me, spring is coming. #222 Forever!
Pam Grout is the author of 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind (And Therefore Your World) that has just been turned into an app. Badass ACIM (badass-acim.com)
61 Responses
My thoughts are with you today. You brought tears to my eyes with joy and sorrow. I thank you with all my heart for being you, for being so truthful, for all you do for all of us. You are so very loved!
Oh, Girl! I am sorry you aren’t quite feelin’ it, lately. But so glad to know that you are still recognizing so much of the good stuff sneaking in, even while you may be looking the other way.
That quilt is fantastic, the note to Taz’s gloves are magical, and all the other loveliness you shared warms my heart.
I continue to include “Amazingly Awesome Day” into my morning affirmations (sometimes switched out for “Extraordinarily Epic”). And I am on day 7 of my second round of The Course in Miracles Experiment.
So much love to you, Pammy Sue!
xox
Pamela Joy
There is not a time that I stop to read your emails that it is not completely what I need… I love the fact that you will be a part of that function because I love all of you for the contribution to my growth that you have been. Also the person who manages your app was just so very kind to me and what a difference that made. Sending you such love and blessingsAnd gratitude.
Thank you a million times for your honesty. It gives us all hope to know that there is nothing wrong with us when we do have the dark closet hiding times.
I adore you..
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Yay for Spring and healing too!
Yay for the signs of 222!
Yay for life and love so true!
Yay for all the things you do!
Thank you for being you!
Yay for Spring and healing too!
Yay for the signs of 222!
Yay for life and love so true!
Yay for all the things you do!
Bless you for “admitting” you’re not always where you want to be. I’m sure you know that saves a bunch of us.
Love, Roxanne
Oh, your e-mail was so interesting to read, this time in another way than usual, because I’ve been feeling quite low and grey, too, these days and weeks. Lockdown and whatever else seem to have their way with me. I just had a good cry, which has been a rare thing over the past years for me. But what to say? It doesn’t contradict or compete with my passion for joy and ease and flow. It’s indeed part of the flow, just life in another guise, and I will bounce back in the lovelier regions when the time is right. But now it’s this, and the less I resist it, the better it goes. It can even be beautiful and enjoyable in its own way. It’s just too painful to be afraid, of anything. Nevertheless, I hope you and I feel better soon!
Best wishes to everyone <3.
PS: The little letter to the gloves is so lovely :).
I’m so glad to know you’re human. Love you Pam. Thanks for hanging in there. Remembering that our purpose here is to be the light, is a lot easier when we have someone like you lighting our path.
Thank you for speaking from your heart. You are very inspiring and I feel and realize Taz is phenomenal !
I am always overjoyed to see you pop up in my inbox and I have been missing you. Beautiful message today and I would say most of us have been experiencing similar feelings. In that you are not alone. I am also struck by what a beautiful person you brought in to this world!! She came to you and you accepted her with loving arms and cherished her with a loving soul. Giving and receiving to each other. How Blessed. It doesn’t always work out that way for some people. And knowing that does not diminish the pain one iota. But the “little miracles” help. And there are NO Little Miracles! You and Taz are working on some wonderful things together. I can only imagine the other many, wondrous things she is working on in Heaven!! God Bless(es) you both! Love you. Sharon
Thank you for this 💝🦋💝
I love the Heart on the note’s drawing ❤️🧡💟
Sending love From one Soul to another 💜💜🦋🦋💟💟
#222Forever 🦋🦋🦋
You’re awesome, Pam!!! That’s all I know!!!
And thanks for sharing Taz’s note. And the quilt.
Those are full-on gnarly!!!
I’m looking forward to the summit!!
Thank you for the truth —
Dear Pam, I’m a regular reader of your posts, they are always inspiring and often funny and uplifting.
I love this post, you nailed the way a lot of people are feeling now, especially me.
It’s heart-warming to hear someone like you say that you are not feeling awesome at this time or indeed all of the time.
I greatly respect your honesty in this post, in a roundabout way it’s very inspiring for us.
Taz’s writings are brilliant in their simplicity, I’ve shared them tonight with my friends.
I’m very glad you decided to write this piece,
Much love and gratitude,
Séamus Whitney
Thank you for sharing this with us. I think we’re all feeling off lately; but this too shall pass! Love the letter Taz wrote to her mittens! That touched my heart in a big way 🙂
All will be well and I’ll keep you and all of us in my prayers.
I enjoy your emails and have read some of your books. You’ve opened my eyes in so many ways! That being said, could you please clarify what you meant by your feeling of “too much white supremacy”?
Too much division would have been enough i thought but gotta get a boot in on white ppl somewhere. Even here.
Exactly. You would think after last year one could maybe refrain from racial bias in her blog comments. Yet here again is another anti white person who just has to throw the “too much white supremacy” out there. Too many good authors and non racist women out there for me to continue following her and reading her books now. I just packed them up and will sell them on Amazon or donate to charity. I’m so over these people.
Wasnt what i needed to see in a post from Pam to be honest.
Got rid of the original sin and have been given something else to be guilty for just by skin colour. It works both ways. When will we get over our skin colours fgs?
If you do something good you’re trying to be a white savour and if you dont want to join a team you’re racist.
Every person can be victimised and every person can be racist. Not just one team. Im really sick of it too.
I would not have suspected such blatant racism from Pam but glad her true feelings were revealed. The people I wish to learn from won’t include racists. Take care Lyndsey. I’m out of this fake circle.
But don’t you see, Brandie, that you are equally discriminating and pushing against in what you wrote? It’s the same game, the same mind circle running.
Hi Pam, You do not know me. I have never opened your emails until today. I believe I signed-up when Lisa Natoli told me we should meet! We are both mothers whom she felt were remarkable in how we lived life after our daughter’s bodies passed on.
I am writing a Tedx talk and this morning I thought I want to include part of Valarie Kaur’s definition of revolutionary love in my talk. It’s the part where through grief we can step out of the hypnosis of separation to “See no Stranger”.
I am reaching out because I do not know you. I am offering to have a zoom call with you not to help you, or give you any spiritual or other guidance. As another mother I can just be with you. I remember being at a Compassionate Friends conference crying with a woman who knew no peace (that’s not you) since her child “died”. I did not know her son or her. And yet we were one. I will not know what that connection brought her, but I know I will never forget her or her son .
I am here, if you feel a movement to connect. If not, we are still connected.
In gratitude, Rosalyn
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thank you thank you thank you universe for that day in that bookstore when you put this extraordinary and wonderful woman on my path
Dear Pam,
Recently this is where I struggle too, between the creation of our bountiful miracles & the loss of a sparkling soul that lit up my life – whose favorite number was #2 btw- and recently having memories of him overwhelm me as I find myself once again grieving his gifts to me. Why is that? – well we’re loving souls who feel- and love is part of a reality we FEEL connected to, so that separating is painful, but maybe it too is a gift? It connects us to those of us who remain behind that soul that is in another form now.
He communicated with me as he promised he would if that was at all possible in the case where he died before me… this in itself is remarkable, so I hold onto that gift, acknowledge it and move back into the current 🎁 present moment to move on creating my glorious life that I know he wants for me. I know Taz wants that for you too/ two!
Blessings & love to you!
Sending you much healing love for your hip. Your words are always inspiring. Take good care of yourself. 💕
Love your inspiring emails-hope you continue on the healing path-best of luck at the Summit❤️
OMG Pam what an amazing sign you got from Taz about spring right when you needed to be reminded that you two will be together in a more tangible way in divine timing, but that it will happen and spring, meaning new beginnings (aka miracles) are happening for you now. I so related to your feeling and I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for all you do to light up this world even when you are feeling the pain of life’s challenges, and losing a child to me is the one of biggest, if not the biggest. You are human and if you didn’t sometimes feel down you would not be able to relate to so many others and have the great compassion and empathy that you have. Much love always, I’m always here as a kindred soul sister xox
Let the light in my dear… even just a tiny bit … love, your higher self
Oh Pam I do love you. Your posts always make me smile, often make me laugh, sometimes make me cry, but always touch my heart. (& sometimes all of those in the one post!) I love the letter from Taz to her gloves! That’s so gorgeous. I also love that hilarious quote at the beginning about gaining twenty pounds for a role and then remembering you’re not an actor! That made me laugh out loud.
Thankyou for sharing where you’re at right now. As many people have already said in their comments, it’s reassuring to most of us to know that our role models sometimes have low times, hard times, or just plain “life sucks” times, and that this doesn’t mean we’re failures or hopeless or any of those negative labels we give ourselves. We are simply human, and sometimes even the strongest of us feels weak, or the happiest of us temporarily loses our joy. So thankyou for sharing how you’ve been feeling. And for sharing the letter to the gloves, the fabulous T-shirt quilt, and the link to the Science of Healing summit. I’ve signed up, so I’ll “see you there”! 😁
Love, hugs and blessings to you dear Pam from across the many miles between us that don’t separate us in “reality” one little bit. 😁
❤️🤗🌹🌞🎈💃
Pam, I went to the Shift site to register and see that Bruce Lipton and Rudy Tanzi will be there! Bruce is a human energy bundle, you will love him and his message. When I scrolled down and saw your picture – with your great hat! All of the sudden I thought, something wonderful is going to happen to her there! Then I realized you will be virtual 🙁 It’s time for all of us to be together for a great big HUG! The feeling hasn’t changed though – something wonderful is going to happen as a result of you “being there”! Holding you in the Light! XO sharon
I just love hearing from you Pam. I think we have all been feeling the same way dear one, but as Taz said Spring is around the corner. I loved Tazs childlike innocence with her gloves..such an old soul she was💜 thank you for your vulnerability and love. Sending healing blessings to your hip. I have been asking God to guide us through our health challenges and give us peace with the outcomes.
Sending copious amounts of love and light to you right now Pam Grout! You words, wisdom and insights have lifted my spirits, empowered my soul and propelled me through the density of this remarkable, sometimes scary and often confusing journey of life. Someone wiser than me recently said “being happy all of the time is not always in the best interest of our soul because through our sadness and challenges we are offered the greatest opportunities for healing, growth and expansion”. I am so grateful to you and have a feeling in the not-to-distant future I will be reading about the immense insight and expansion you’ve gained from this ‘dark period’ in your life.
I was just thinking the other day that I haven’t seen a blog post from you in a while and then I thought, maybe she just isn’t feeling amazingly awesome right now. And I want you to know that that’s okay. You’re allowed to have your in-a-funk days. Anyway, I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom of 6 and just want you to know how much I appreciate all your books and interviews. I just have to listen to the next interview you do and can’t wait to read what you write next. Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world. xo
What a beautiful quilt! I imagine you cuddling with it on the couch and feeling wrapped in a big warm hug from Taz every time ❤️ What a great idea 💡. Hope your psoas is feeling better and I’m glad you and Jim are getting a lot of hiking in these days. You have been on my mind lately and I’m excited that you are in the Science of Healing Summit!!!
Dear Pam,
We’re strangers in body though sisters in soul. Sending you hugs and appreciation as I see and love the Dude in you.
So many thank yous to you, for: leading us into the real world; being honestly raw; helping to heal and re-open my heart time after time. I love life and often find it tough as well as wonderful, but these days I’m often not as far down or for as long. You are one of the people who help me to see the beauty, magic and power.
Your emails give me much joy and inspiration. I look forward to hearing your voice for the first time at the Summit. Reading other’s comments tells me I can google your interviews too!
May the love that enfolds you help with all the barrages.
Well somehow you became my hero!!
Dearest Pam,
You HAVE spread hope and joy to so many people so now let us send it back to you. Given the world situation and your personal situation how could any decent person not understand if you feel sad or angry or overwhelmed and want to hide. Many are finding things “ too much”. We miss you but are beyond excited that you are sharing in the Science of Healing Summit. And a joke at the beginning of your post! Ever selfless….
Thinking, with much love, of you, Taz, your partner.
Francesca
So much love for you dear Pam xoxo
I’m glad you were able to break through (yet again) to place of joy and love! I do hope you are feeling better quickly. I was wondering if you may be inclined to share the information so graciously given to you regarding psoas muscle meditation and exercise? I have been having some difficulty myself. As you already know, Taz is everywhere, every time I see “222” I think of her and feel like I know her through your words, descriptions and stories of her. I hope you know how much your written words mean to all of us! Love and more Love, Laura
Oh Pam.
That note from dear Taz is so adorable! It seems she had your humor and gift for writing as you do.
I’m so sorry to hear where you are right now.
Your honesty is refreshing and real. I love reading ACIM. You inspire so many of us to live in the moment and let go of so much. But you also keep it real. I love that about you. Thankyou
You are so loved
Beck
Australia
I love Taz´s note, and the quilt is gorgeous!
Hope is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul-
And sings the tune without the words-
And never stops – at all
xxx
LOVE & GRATITUDE TO YOU, PAM.
I have great appreciation for the willingness it takes to keep moving forward when all is not awesome.
Thank you for sharing. I almost didn’t write, because I don’t have anything “profound” to offer, but I want you to know how much your spirit empowers. It’s like when you go to the grocery store and have a great customer experience with someone…how often do we tell the manager the good stuff?
Anyway, you’re all the good stuff and I love you.
Hillary xoxo
It is always good to hear when wonderful inspiring people such as yourself are still human. Sending light and love during this time and always. Remembering, as we give so shall we receive.
May the miracle in your driveway, bring you the joy 😂 you inspire in others!!
It is okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to be where you are. Remember (as you are) when you are feeling good, to allow that to expand! Go back to your ‘something awesome is going to happen today’ when you wake up for awhile. That was a game changer for me and got me closer to feeling the love everyday, consistently, that I am. That we all are. And Taz is so rooting you on! She’s pure positive energy now exploring the Universe! I love the note she wrote her gloves. It is so beautiful, so fun. I love that you have that beautiful quilt… her T-shirts… things she cared about enough to wear…. now you can snuggle up in it! I love that you are moving your body with your partner and exploring your nature neighbourhood. All those plants and trails, just for you. Sending you a big hug from my Source Within. Thank you for your calling to write for yourself and for others about joy. We are not the same because of you! May today be a fun day. May today surprise and delight you! Blessings!!
Would love it if you would share the “different kind of hip surgery.”, that you mentioned in this article! Wondering if it might work for knees?
Sending you much love and healing!
Us empaths are having “our cup running over right now”… I feel ya sister!
Thank you for your gift to this world! You are so appreciated for all you give! Xoxo ❤️
To admit you are not feeling 100% gives everyone permission for their less-than-stellar moments. So thank you for sharing — and I hope you are feeling all the love that is so clearly coming your way. Imagine, for every reply to this post there must be hundreds more. I wanted to share that my mother left a love not / thank you note in a coat that we shared back-and-forth and I found it years after she died. I immediately felt her love and her joy. Taz is still with you. xoxox
Dear sweet Pam,
I feel for you in this state of mind you mention below. You are such a bright light for so many people all over the world and I don’t think we give back enough to you to help your soul shine brightly. I want you to know how much you mean to us all and how grateful we are to have you, your words, your insight and your wisdom available to all of us.
My hope for you is that when this season of your soul passes through this bleak period, you will be refreshed on the other side and find new meaning in life. It’s been a tough, tough year and there is so much trepidation and anticipation about what is next.
Take your time, dear one. And let us know what we can do to help you. Because we all want to be there for you – like you have been for us with your words and wisdom.
I’m not too far from you – in Little Rock, AR. I wish I could come and give you a big hug! Sending you love and prayers.
K.
I love you, your daughter and your wonderful partner.
There is so much good here it’s hard to know where to start. Life is hills and valleys. Sometimes, it’s mountains and gorges. This last year has been the latter but somehow most of us made it up the other side and are now looking at the hills and valleys again. The note from Taz to her gloves is a wonderful insight to who she is. She would get along with Marie Kondo so well. Marie asks people to thank all the possessions in their lives for being there. I absolutely loved that about her. I’m a bit cluttered and constantly now releasing things with love. I also am delighted you’ve had a partner for 18 years. A partner helps so much if you have a good one. The quilt is a lovely remembrance of all things Taz. It’s kind of like cuddling up with her essence. Hang on with us. We pull each other up the mountain.
Thanks for sharing your humanness with all of us, Pam. I feel like I spend some time with you every day when I read my daily Course lesson from you, and today I’ll be sending extra vibrational love your way. You are a blessing to the world!
Hi Pam Thanks for writing this. I’m so grateful. I’ve got hip issues. Would you kindly send me the info on the alternative surgery your friend sent you I’d be ever so grateful. Many thanks Sophia x
Sent from my iPhone
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Blessings Pam! “we are all just walking each other home”! It is so important to share your stories and not every story resonates with us. That is the beauty of it all! Our shadows are reminders we must do the work, in spite of the narrative from others. We will always have people comment when they are triggered by their own limitations and contractions. Just know you have been an expansion for so many, myself included. Love and healing at you sister!!!
((Hugs)). Lynn
Its funny, I must admit I was triggered. Limitations for one person but truth for another. If you focus your mind on one thing that is what you will see in the world. The people getting triggered may have been through horrors you cant even imagine with your positive thinking so you see they will view life through a different lens. To say one view is ok and the other is a limitation or invalid is really missing the point. To choose one type as a victim and another as the big bad perpetrator in all stories is also looking through one lens only. It really depends on what you’ve experienced in life and then we can choose to see things differently or through the eyes of love. Calling one entire group out is not seeing with love rather than judgement. Making Pam a ‘special’ person and making her right in all situations is also not seeing us as one.
“The people getting triggered may have been through horrors you cant even imagine with your positive thinking so you see they will view life through a different lens.” – I like that reminder a lot, thank you, Lyndsey.
And it’s funny, I was thinking about the original sin metaphor recently and then saw you mention it here. I have the impression that the original sin or separating mind is something that invents itself to then claim that it has to abolish itself to return to paradise or love (like all kinds of problems, or apparent problems, arise so they can be solved). But paradise or oneness has never really been left, because it is the dual game (or play) of life already, in all its appearances including all perspectives, perceptions and preferences, that is, sandboxes to play (or fight) in, “before” any labels are given and also in/as all labels. There’s just nothing that’s not “it,” it’s always life playing with or as itself. And that’s basically another perspective, but it can’t and needn’t be otherwise, I feel. No escape, unfortunately and thankfully. <3 Have a good week everyone!
Dear Pam,
You continue to inspire and delight me. Your light heart and fun spirit raises my vibration, I love all of your books and blogs and I absolutely love your sense of humor!!!
You have made a difference to me.
Xo
Lisa
YOU are my S-HERO! Everything about you inspires me. Thank you for being on planet Earth with us. I am wrapping you warmly in Infinite Love and Gratitude.
222 again! Hey Pam, just want to make sure you know that Congress had a vote yesterday that moved the ERA forward, with 222 in favor! It was a vote to nullify some rule from decades ago that has kept the Equal Rights Amendment from becoming part of the Constitution. Anyway, the vote was 222-204. Nice.
Taz was a very very sweet young lady, always smiling . I’m so lucky to get to know her even for a short period. She will always be missed.Take care Pam.
Hi, Pam! Your message has stayed with me. So much has felt like too much for me lately. It helps to hear it from you, too. I’ve managed to mostly stay on track with my ACIM study and love your book and app but it’s not sticking like I’d like it to. Knowing you struggle too helps me to accept my own struggles. I wish you peace and many blessings. Thank you for your insights and inspiration.