“It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful.”—Elizabeth Gilbert
When Taz died last October, I wondered if, like spouses often do, I’d be gone within the year. But here it is, an entire 12 months later, and I’m still here on Planet Earth, breathing and creating yet another blog post, another book.
Since we last talked, I’ve even performed comedy karaoke, driven on a NASCAR race track and visited the bridge where George Bailey first met Clarence.
I also threw a party for what would have been Tasman’s 26th birthday.
Her friends came over, we ate cake and wrote messages on bright paper lanterns that we flew up into the heavens over the Kansas River. Four of her friends got tattoos that day in her honor. I’m gathering my nerve for my own tattoo of the 222 Foundation logo. For those new to this party, I started the 222 Foundation in Taz’s honor.
So far, I’ve received dozens of pitches for the 2020 award that will be given out February 22, 2020. The call for pitches is open until December 31. If you or anyone you know has a big idea to move the world away from its old school money, money, money orientation, please send it my way.
The mission of the 222 Foundation is to change the rules of the game. We believe our culture’s near-sighted focus on financial wealth breeds a sense of scarcity and fails to amplify the full range of human experience. It causes us to commoditize things we used to generously give for free. It causes us to forget that our deepest longing is to be generous, to connect, to love each other.
Taz certainly knew that truth. 
Among her many legacies, is this relationship with my “Little” (from Big Brothers/Big Sisters) and her sister. The three of us made Halloween cookies on Wednesday. Taz, of course, set the two of us up nearly 18 months ago.
Taz, as I’ve written before, was pure love. Her heart was wide open to everyone. I never once heard her judge another person or gossip or utter a negative word. If you were in Taz’s vicinity, you were accepted, you were loved and you felt this joy that emanated from her very being. Every time I saw her, I literally had to catch my breath. She was that beautiful–inside and out.
I’ve been practicing the Course in Miracles for 30 years and still, I aspire to be as open-hearted and kind and full of grace as my daughter.
The Course is about changing perceptions. Instead of identifying with the ego, which is an illusory construct for dealing with the temporary world, it teaches us to embrace our immortal self, which sounds all airy-fairy, but is actually the true nature of reality.
My focus these days is on this bigger cosmic reality. It’s what I think about. It’s what I’ll be writing about going forward. It helps me understand that Taz could no more be gone than I could be wounded by Darth Vader’s light saber.
Stayed tuned for a really cool guest post by a friend who has developed a magical relationship with his father who, if you believe the old school reality, died many years ago.
Life, I’m happily learning, is SO. MUCH. BIGGER than I ever imagined.
Pam Grout is the author of 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind (And Therefore Your World).
51 Responses
I am grateful you are regaining balance. Keep on going.
Thanks!
Thank you for the heart pourings. Can you believe that you and Taz signed up for this? I do. You came in together, joined at the heart, ready for your mission: There is no death. ❤️
Definitely joined at the heart! We all are!
Thank you for your words and your heart. Blessings!
My words and my heart are all yours!
I have no idea how to use word press obviously and did not see your reply. Happy New Year Pam. Was just telling a friend about your work. Grateful for you!
“The Course is about changing perceptions. Instead of identifying with the ego, which is an illusory construct for dealing with the temporary world, it teaches us to embrace our immortal self, which sounds all airy-fairy, but is actually the true nature of reality.”
Thanks for this PAM, I had an aha moment when reading this post. AND I believe my heart opened to someone I strugg;e with…..NAMASTE beautiful PAM, YOU are a rockstar!!!!!!
YOU are the rockstar! Anyone who opens their heart, especially to someone they struggle with, is blessed. The Course calls is the most holy place on earth. So happy!
Late last night while working, I saw 222 … twice! This just doesn’t happen to me. I felt this great surge of love, sent some energy to Pam, a quick giggle and hi to Taz, and this morning woke to this amazing post. Is there any doubt we are all connected? Thank you Pam … always.
222 Forever!
You always write such beautiful inspiring words. Bless you & thank you.
That’s some high praise, my friend! Thank you!
Beautiful.
Thanks!
Please change my email to carolyn@carolyngable.com
Thank you
Carolyn J. Gable
Consultant
847-477-9250
Hi Carolyn–I think you need to change it on your end–not sure how to do it here! Blessings always !!
Your writing is so uplifting, full of life and love. Keep on keeping on. Blessings to you.
Full of life and love–that’s such a great compliment. Thanks!
Dear Pam
I’ve been a follower for a few years after reading your books and I somehow missed the blog post when your daughter died.
I’m so incredibly sorry. My son died at 10 years old and would have been 31 next week. It’s amazing what incredible human beings they are while they are here. Such a bright light! I see that in the pictures and story you told of your daughter.
I’m sure there is so much so many have said but I just felt compelled to reach out and tell you that I feel your pain and your love for your daughter and the incredible impact she clearly had during her time on earth and the impact she continues thru your words. She was/is a reflection of her beautiful mom!
Blessings to you!
Marguerite Crespillo
Sent from my iPhone
Dear sweet Marguerite–I am so sorry to hear about your son. I trust you continue to feel his presence in your life. I believe there are many on what they call “the other side” working together for our growth and fulfillment.
He sounds brilliant, as is Taz. Here’s a post I wrote about her:
https://pamgrout.com/2018/10/29/my-magical-taz-snapshots-of-a-life-filled-with-gusto-grace-goodness/
Your post, Pam, was beautiful, as always. Thanks for sharing your journey with us and for continuing to share so much about Taz. I’m always so touched by this and I can feel the huge LOVE. Hugs from Maryland!
Hugs back to Maryland! Thank you!
You go girl!! I’m SO proud of you. This is all just a moment in time. Dale
Sent from my iPhone
There is only one moment! Now!
Thank you for continuing to write and uplift us all Pam !
Uplift–I love that word! Thanks, Jill!
You and your daughter are such amazing human beings…….thank you!
I know she is amazing and I must have done something right to get to be her mother.
she needed someone as amazing as her! 🙂
FABULOUS POST!!! EXACTLY what I needed to read…but then you seem to have a sense for writing what many people need to hear that day.love pondering the opening quote…time to change to something else beautiful:)I guess life changes so you can experience different BEAUTIFUL things!!!AS ALWAYS… THANK YOU PAM!!!
Yes, life by its very nature constantly expands and changes! And with the right perception, it’s all beautiful!
Thank you. Please keep posting your beautiful thoughts and words, I need you, the world needs you.
That’s so kind! Thank you so much!
i’m a little confused Pam. are you going to be offering a new Course in Miracles course and/or is it a book on CiM that you’re putting out. thanks
Hi Alfalfablue,
My book, Course in Miracles Experiment, debuts January 28. Here’s a link if you want to know more:
https://www.amazon.com/Course-Miracles-Experiment-Rewiring-Therefore-ebook/dp/B07X1FHXTM
Congratulations and a warm grateful hug on the completion of your book. Such a gift to our world. Thank you. Taz is smiling in heaven and so proud of her Moms contributions to our world💞
Lovely words Pam xx
Thanks, my friend!
Thank you Pam. Sitting here reading your post in brilliant spring sunshine, I’m appreciating and grateful for the gift of this moment. Glad I got to spend it with you!
PeterD
Me, too, Peter. Enjoy the spring sunshine.
Hi Pam,
Like you, I believe we are here to love ourselves and others as if everyday is our “last”. Tasmon epitomizes everything I believe in, and strive to be in life. I give talks, write articles, hold workshops, do backflips, set my hair on fire … anything to teach people that things do not make you happy. Giving things away … that feels good, but giving and receiving love is what brings lasting happiness.
I started a project several years ago that I am very passionate about but I paused several months into it because something told me the timing wasn’t right. Then I saw your invitation and got soooo excited, because I knew that must be why I waited. But as much as I wanted to submit something that day I did not, because it occurred to me that Taz should also be excited and passionate about the project. After all, it’s her legacy.
So I put my ego/fear aside, that “my” idea would miss out, I went outside, sat under my favorite pine tree with my dog Jake and said “Taz, if you like my idea, send me a sign and I’ll submit it. If I don’t hear back from you, then I’ll know you aren’t interested. I took a few deep breaths, stood up and left it in her hands, and those of The Dude’s. I haven’t thought about it since.
Cut to today … I have been swamped with animal rescue, fix it don’t nix it parties, and working with my hubby on our sustainability project that I had not checked emails in more than a week. I had over 3000, so I’ve really been avoiding it. A few minutes ago, I sat down at my computer and told myself “You only have to read one.”
Eight is my lucky number so I decided to read the eighth one from the top.
I scanned the list …. and you guessed it— the eighth one down was your second invitation. I’m taking this as my sign from Taz to submit my project.
Is there a form or do I just email the info to this email?
Bless you for the good you do and the love and FUN you bring to so many lives, including mine.
xo
Tammie Stevens The Lazarus Fund 1-719-240-4375 skype:tammiestevens http://www.lazfund.org
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Hi Tammie,
So glad you are going to apply. Here’s the post that explains where to send your proposal: https://pamgrout.com/2019/08/27/i-want-to-give-money-away-now-taking-pitches-for-the-2020-award-of-the-222-foundation/
Love you so much, Pam. You have endured hardship that so few people could endure. Know that you’re so respected and that my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are a model for all of us. ❤️🙏🏻
The tree is never far from the apple 🍎. You are truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever met …inside and out…and Taz is your mirror. You both reflect all that is good and wonderful in this world. You are a blessing to all who cross your path and I am honored to call you my friend 🙂 2❤️2❤️2💜 Forever
❤️Virginia
You are such an inspiration to me in so many ways. I am looking forward to your next writings.
♥️💕♥️
It is so very wonderful to hear all of this from you. It also comes my way through other means, such as Anita Moorjani’s words and works, and many many small interesting ways. The truth really is out there as I believe X-files used to say. We just have to learn where and how to look. I am in “divine health” every day. I also refuse to acknowledge that I am a diabetic. I have those symptoms; they can go away. I will not make it more permanent by owning it.
Thank you again. You are wonderful and lovely. Say “hello” to Taz for me, please,
Scott
Hi Pam, (our angel)
I know I cannot compare the dead of a husband to the dead of a son or a daughter, but I can say that the extreme pain is there for both. I would also love to let you know that I too keep a really close connection with my husband who passed away on 9/11 a year prior to the 9/11.
At that time I could not understand why he had chosen to leave me and our daughter who had not been born yet. After 10 years of his dead, I got my answer… He did it so I could open a door I never knew existed, even though I had some interesting experiences when I was little. He, being now in the spiritual realm has thought me so crazy much and believe it or not, I can still, literally feel his touch. He holds my hand, he gives me kisses, he holds me when I need it most. I know all these sounds in a way crazy or unbelievable, but to me, this has been the most amazing experience ever. He has also thought me of a love I never thought I could feel or understand. He thought me that LOVE is the only thing there is. That LOVE is everything and that everything is LOVE. So now, I thank him all the time because if he had not made the choice of dying, or what I like to say, change energy, I would have never learned or better said, remembered who we really are…. LOVE.
I Love you so much Pam, and you know I have ALWAYS considered you my Ángel.
Pam,
Your strength is inspirational, keeps me going , thank you.
Damien
Hi, thank you for this beautiful writing. I appreciate it. Reading about Taz opened my heart and my eyes. How did she pass into spirit? Sending you love and a hug, Patricia xo:)
Sending Love and LIGHT, Patricia
Patricia Conte-Nelson 508-737-4030 weddingsincapecod.com tuningintospiritbook.com patriciacontenelson.com
No matter what the question, love is the answer.