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A most unlikely love affair

“Reclaim your land with love.”—Jack Kornfield

asshatSo, I started a new relationship today.

And even more noteworthy is that I’ve decided to throw myself into this love affair with complete abandon.

Who is this lucky (or unlucky, depending on your perspective) being?

I’ve decided, as of today, to make a 100 percent commitment, to unconditionally love the asshat in my mind. I’ve mentioned him before. The voice that tells me I’m not good enough, the one that points out my flaws, the one that rolls its eyes and says, “Who are you to talk about the Course in Miracles?”

I’ve tried fighting the voice. I’ve tried resisting it. And now, I’m going all in with the only thing that can ever transform anything. I’m going to love it. I’m going to appreciate that, at one time, this voice was working to protect me. And above all, I’m going to remember one of the first tenets of Buddhism.

Hatred never ceases by hatred.
But by love alone is healed.

ACIM Lesson 66 is My happiness and my function are one. It tells me God only gave me happiness.

And since being happy is my only function and since resistance to the voice and its madness doesn’t make me happy or change anything, I’m–as of today–officially declaring my love for all parts of me, especially the scared little asshat. Who knows? I might even send flowers.

Pam Grout is the author of 19 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her new book, Art & Soul,Reloaded: A Year-Long Apprenticeship to Summon the Muses and Ignite Your Daring, Audacious, Creative Side

46 Responses

  1. Pam, I just started reading your blog and your book E Squared and love it all! As a former psychotherapist, now a coach, I can say your new approach to your “voice” works wonders. I tell my clients that we are never trying to self-sabotage–every aspect of ourselves speaking up or taking action is trying to achieve what “it” thinks we want. The more we connect with, build respect and collaboration with all aspects of ourselves, the more incredible things get. Alan

  2. Yes! Me, too. I allow my love to ooze into that part of me. (Negative Nancy) Love, Danielle I shall also encourage this practice with my singing students and sound healing clients 🙂 that’s how things go in, when I teach

    Sent from my iPhone


  3. Pam, I just started reading your book E Squared and also your blog–love it all. As a former psychotherapist, now a coach, your new way of relating to and communicating with your “voice” will work wonders. Everything within us is doing “it’s” best to help us become and achieve what it thinks we want. Even that voice we think is trying to make us miserable or worse. As I learned to listen, respect and collaborate with my own inner voices, wow, things began to happen. Alan

  4. Beautiful message today. I love you. You are amazing. You change my life every day and I am unsure where I would be today if I had never read your books. Thank you for saving lives and making this world a better place.

    Sarah A. Carey, Vice President of Creative Development and Marketing

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    From: Pam Grout
    Reply-To: Pam Grout
    Date: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 at 7:44 AM
    To: Sarah Carey
    Subject: [New post] A most unlikely love affair

    psgrout posted: ““Reclaim your land with love.”—Jack Kornfield So, I started a new relationship today. And even more noteworthy is that I’ve decided to throw myself into this love affair with complete abandon. Who is this lucky (or unlucky, depending on your perspec”

  5. I love it! My asshat needed to hear that as well!!!

    Thank you!

    Teresa Faith

    Sent from my iPhone

  6. As usual another awesome post, thanks! I just went through a horrendous divorce. And even though it looked like I just got slaughtered I know I won. Nothing he could do to me could make me into a hateful person. I took the high road and gave him just about everything. I knew that if I took the path of love and compassion, I would be better off than fighting. Fighting stresses me out and brings me down. I knew that love heals and brings joy. Since that time money has appeared out of no where, and I know I’ll be more financially abundant than ever! 😉

    1. That’s so powerful, knowing that nothing anyone can do can take away our love. It’s our superpower and why we are here. And all the resources we need WILL appear out of nowhere! Thank you!!

  7. I am following your energy pattern! I was close to tears this morning and need a pattern interruption. A love affair sounds exciting and scary at the same time! There is no fear, just love! I have to keep reminding myself.

    1. What a great visual–interrupting a pattern! That’s our work here–interrupting no-longer working patterns. So grateful for your comment. We got this!!

  8. Congrats Pam!!! Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing! This showed up only Flipboard and I was delighted to read your writing! So impressed and proud.

    1. RYAN!!!! So happy to hear from you. It has been a long time. Are you still in Hawaii? Still working on films? Still spreading the love. My time with you was magical!!!

  9. When I love the asshat and all the other personas that give me grief my whole body relaxes and “they” (me) are happy. They want attention too!

  10. Oh Lord Girl!

    You are AMAZING! I sat down at the computer- PO’ed at my mother and sister in law. Feeling angry and unloving at the both of them for an entire marriage of crummy things they have done… and then I read this.

    After a few minutes. All is calm.

    Thank you, Pam.

    You are a blessing to me.


  11. Good idea! That voice in the head is all over the map. Listen to the voice that comes from your gut! It’s your second brain and the smart one!

    Love everything you write. Remember, relationships are a process that is like a rose unfolding its petals one tiny petal at a time, some thorns along the way but in the end, you get a beautiful rose to grow old with and wither away with. Then have your ashes mixed with potpourri!

  12. Wow Pam! That’s really good! Instead of resisting, listening to or getting mad with that annoying, repetitive, dull, party pooper in my head, I’ve just got to love her! Embrace her, say thanks for sharing, give her a hug and kiss and then say “bye bye!” Perfect! Thankyou. These daily posts help me soooo much. And I especially love reading everybody’s comments – and your replies. It’s like attending a group whilst still in my own place. Wonderful 😁 PS I’d never heard the term “asshat” until reading your books. Is it an American term or just a Pam Grout one for the annoying sabotaging voice in our head? It’s hilarious – and so, my friend, are you! 😉💖🦋

  13. You’re making the course of miracles really fun for me! Love it! Love all the voices in my head. Thank you so much for continuing with this project. It’s fabulous!

  14. What you resist persists is what comes to mind. Also ask the voice Who are you? Sometines it is a thought form from someone or something else. You can clear it.May you be very Blessed. J. Sarah Clarfield

  15. Dear Pam
    Thank you for being you
    YOU are amazing
    found your E+ books “coincidentally” 🙂
    and now your posts – very helpful
    THANK YOU soooo much

  16. I dont know if i am in the right path but all i do is ” enjoy”my feelings every minute. I am surely not happy all the time but i am never unhappy. It is not easy to describe it in english but i will try.
    Sadness used to be my everyday mode. Now when something makes me sad it is only this particular thing. I can enjoy all the other things in my day and i can even laugh with other things or people around me.
    Every ugly emotion now makes its circle and go away without making me miserable. Its a hudge relief because i finaly love me wich means i love everything around me. I feel gratefull and calm and that i have control. Its a good feeling. It makes me smile a lot

  17. I’m hugging my “Chatty Asshat” right now!! I might be hugging a little toooo tightly but I’m laughing out loud! Thank you Pam! This one really helps.

  18. Thanks for all the blogs on ACIM, Pam. My second time through the workbook and Good Golly, Miss Molly…a few of these tenets are starting to make sense to this very stubborn brain! Much gratitude!

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