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The joys of being abnormal

“We’re all quietly aching for something to celebrate.”—Mark Nepo

I just ordered Gabor Mate’s new book, The Myth of Being Normal, and can’t wait to read it. The nearly 80-something physician argues that society trains us to suppress our own needs and authentic selves in order to fit in. 

I always called it following rules and cultural paradigms and I’m proud to say I spent most of my life avoiding the biggies.

I refused to take on a job that had no meaning or purpose just for the sake of money.  I refused to believe that having a ginormous house or a fancy car would make me happier or that the celebrities on Instagram were worth emulating. Even on my recent travel assignment to Lake Geneva, I couldn’t help but look at all the Gilded Age mansions and wonder, “Don’t all those big yards and 28 thousand rooms just separate you from other people?”

Disconnection, after all, is the exact opposite of freedom when you no longer trust others or the universe or the life force that thrums through us all.

As Mate points out, we evolved as communal creatures in close contact with each other. But now, because we live in an economic system that depends on growth and bigger, better, faster, we’re running roughshod over our basic human needs. Loneliness is at epidemic proportions.

But the biggest diversion from “normal” are my views on death. Tomorrow would be my daughter Tasman’s 29th birthday. Yes, I’m sad that she’s not here in physical form (we reveled in a lot of pretty amazing Tasmanfests over the years), but all the real things—the love, the closeness, even the conversations continue. And, as my friend Martha Creek pointed out, sadness is just a disguise for love.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a culture, we celebrate a lot of things that aren’t good for us. In fact, a lot of what we think is desirable is flat out dangerous. And when celebrations of wealth, manufactured, one-size-fits all beauty and what’s billed as safety is considered “normal,” it resists scrutiny.

What I’d rather celebrate today is creativity, connection, having conversations that matter and that all the love we so long to enjoy already inescapably exists.

Have the very best weekend of your life, my friends. #222 Forever!

Pam Grout is the author of 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind (And Therefore Your World).

39 Responses

  1. How many years is it now Pam? I remember the blog you wrote when you told us, your followers that Taz had passed suddenly. It was such shocking news. I know you are very proud of her and I’m sure she continues to be immensely proud of you and all you continue to do on this Earth in tribute to her. 🥰🥰

  2. Just started reading Mate’s book last night and am looking forward to hearing him speak in person soon! Riding the same wave as you Pam!

  3. Howdy, Pam! I was literally just having a discussion with a friend about how Libra’s value relationships above all else. As a fellow Libra, I’m not at all surprised at the strong bond and communication that will always exist between you and Taz. And on that note, I’ve never been more grateful to be abnormal! I shall make a toast to you and Taz on October 8th! Abnormal IS the new normal 😎❤️ 🦔 222 Forever 🦔

  4. Sadness is just a disguise for love!!!! OMG!!! I freaking love this….SO TRUE!!!

  5. Thanks for that and the timing of it! Today that was the message I needed to hear☺️

  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you, It seems very strange to me that so few people understand your message it’s obvious happiness is all about our connetions with people especially people who are different from us.

  7. 💫Happy happy Birthday Taz and to you for giving birth on this day to your special baby💫💛🎉

  8. Wishing so much love on this october night and shining through some happiness light.
    The world may weigh
    Us all down
    But we are on the way
    To rock this town-
    Of Pure Love ❣️💝❣️
    #2224ever 🦋

  9. I love the title of this blog post! Thankfully I am finally accepting my “abnormality” in so many things, and I’m learning to celebrate the ways that these so called abnormalities make me me. So yay for being abnormal!! 🥳💃🎉
    I also love your friend’s idea that sadness is just a disguise for love. Yes, and sometimes an expression of love too. 💖🧡❤️
    I’m so glad you and Taz still have conversations, and that you know that your love for each other will never end, even though she is not here in physical form. And I’m also so glad to be a part of a community of people who celebrate the “abnormal” and who are willing to think and act differently from what society has told us is acceptable and desirable. Go us! 😁🎈🥳
    Heaps of love dear Pam, and I hope there will be lots of joyful moments tomorrow in between the sadness, as you celebrate the birth of your beautiful Taz. May we all remember that love, connection, good conversations and joy are the things that matter most, and that love never dies.

      1. Thankyou! Much love and joy and light to you dear friend. I always enjoy reading your comments on Pam’s blog, and it’s so nice to feel that we are all connected here – even though we are all from many different places across our beautiful planet. Here’s to love and connection and joy no matter where we live. 💖🥳🦋🤗

  10. Sending so much love and gratitude to you Pam💗💗🙏
    Happy Heavenly Birthday Taz🌸🌈

  11. The Gabor Maté books is ahhhh-mazing! So far into chapter 2 and am loving it, as I’m sure you will as well. Happy would be 29th birthday to you and your girl…may you have many joyful memories tomorrow.

  12. Happy Birthday, Dear Tas! 🥳🎂🎈🎊🎁🎉
    Hug my Loved Ones for me😉
    We celebrate you with your Beautiful Mom!!!

  13. Sending love and blessings. My younger son died in a car accident in October 1987. I still feel sad some times. I still love him and I am honored he was part of my life for 18 years.

  14. Thanks for an update. I listened to Gabor Mate on YouTube the other day before my trip to see my daughter. I’m going to order his book on audible since reading is getting ticklish now.
    I’ve moved to a tiny apartment with a bunch of other senior people and I actually love having people close so we can gather to kibitz while we work on creative endeavors. Even a 1500 sq ft. manufactured home seemed too big for me now. I too, celebrate the birthdays of my friends and family that have moved on each year.

  15. Hi Pam, love and hugs to you at this time as you celebrate your beautiful daughter. Nick’s birthday was a week ago and we took his photo up the gondolas, one of his favourite things to do) and celebrated with him looking over the lovely view and sharing coffee and hot chips. Happy memories

  16. Thank you. Pam, You continue to inspire me with your words, your strength, your connection to life and all that guides you higher. Thank you for being a beautiful example to so many.
    May your weekend be blessed with peace, love and light. xoxoxo

  17. Thank u so much for this Pam… It is so funny but not surprising that I was thinking the same thing yesterday. I was sitting on my couch and I just started saying thank u for everything I have especially to all the teachers including u that helped me to awaken, who told me it was perfectly wonderful to just be me!

    I was having a quiet conversation cuz I left a life in accounting that gave me lots of money but where I would cry everyday cuz I was absolutely miserable. It’s funny I don’t make as much money as I did b4 but I laugh out loud every day, I truly enjoy the people I work with. I’m making my own path & I know everything I want is there, it is mine!!

    I read a quote yesterday from Iyanla Vanzant the resonates so much, “Lives fall apart when they need to be rebuilt.” So true!!

    THANK YOU🥰!!!

  18. So inspiring as usual! I mean, as i see it, this whole experiment in Consciousness imagining (pretending) to be a human being was intended as a light comedy, a stroll in the garden, an cheeky knock knock joke lol. “oh my, how the world dearly loves a cage” said Maude from Harold and Maude. Money and ownership of anything is literally fools gold..just meaningless made up stuff keeping us at bay from one another, mans inhumanity towards man in constant ball in chain to better more faster bigger whilst in constant neglect and denial that really all we still actually need is the basics…some food, some clothing, some shelter, brother and sisterhood, love kindness and compassion, and some good ol singin dancing, whoopin and holler-in, in glorious astonishing joy and bliss of just being aware and alive ….Thanks Pam always for your beautiful zesty loving magic : )) heart you

  19. I was recently introduced to this amazing author and I am captivated by his story and his writing! Thank you for sharing! You! My friend are no less inspirational and Incredible! – I truly appreciate and share your phenomenal writings with family and friends! Your impact is a treasure and I am eternally grateful to you! Bless you! Love you! Thank you!

  20. Celebrating this delicious, joyous moment with you after reading your blog on Monday morning. YES, it was a tasty weekend full of seeking out and finding connections I savor.
    You are a delight, Pam. Thanks for putting to words these topics.
    The love shared with those on the other side of the veil through conversations and palatable 🤗 is a very big part of the joy of life.
    Grateful for you being you.
    Kreista Grace 🌹

  21. How on earth do you sustain your heavenly thoughts?? Thanks for sharing. I’m still looking for pink cars! Remember back then? I am 87 now. Jane of Jane, Bonnie and Wendy❣️

    1. Hi Jane! It’s Virginia! I remember that Omega weekend like it was yesterday! 😍 Hope all is well!!!

  22. Oh, that book sounds like the perfect read. Thanks for sharing. And cheers to valuing what is truly important in this life. 💕

  23. Love this post! This is so true and so important to bring up! Thanks 🙏. Much love and light ❤️

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