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Insist that love drive the clown car

“My mind is filled with myriad competing voices vying for my attention. To get to the promised land of ‘no-thought’ or transcendence, I have to wade through a thousand thickets: confusion, hunger, ache, distraction, restlessness, regret, neediness, neuroses”-–Josh Radnor 00001q

My mind, over the past few weeks, frequently doubles as a clown car. You know that circus act where one clown after another emerges from a way-too-tiny car?

There’s the emotional clown that gets really frightened by all the uncertainty. She’s joined by the Bozo-like clown that looks disparagingly at my body and judges that it’s eating way more than it should and exercising way less. And, of course, there’s the clown of self-pity, the one that likes to pop up like a jack-in-the-box every now and again, ruing the reality that, in this lifetime, I’ll never hug Taz again.

Rather than shake my finger at this clown car of wayward emotions, I try to send them love. If I avoid them or judge them or consider them unacceptable, I conjure up a whole NEW clown of self-loathing. And that guy is way more ominous than Pennywise, the clown from Stephen King’s “It.”

It’s really kind of remarkable that right here, in my own little head, such a compelling cast of characters shows up to help me practice. Funny how you make an intention to love bigger and better and suddenly you get all kinds of previously unpermitted, unlovable thoughts to build your love muscle.

Rather than exile these forbidden emotions, I find that when I embrace them, literally say to them, “I love you, scared little Pam” or “Aren’t you precious, you self-loather you,” these emotional clowns slink off to the side of the grandstand. Like everything, they only want love.

When I use those magic two words (“It’s okay!”), I notice the only thing left driving the clown car is love–fully engaged, pulsing through my body, as near as my every breath.

Pam Grout is the author of 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind (And Therefore Your World).

29 Responses

  1. Thank You Bless you. AGAIN…. “what she said,” That you continue to get out of bed every day after losing your Taz takes great strength and courage.

    That you continue to laugh (at anything!) Care, create and share is nothing short of miraculous!

    In strength and solidarity,

    Inanna LaFevre

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. Your description of our minds being like a clown car is absolutely brilliant and I LOVE your suggestion on how to deal with the scary and negative thoughts…….thank you so very much.

  3. Pam! I think one of your clown’s cousins is riding shotgun in my clown car and the rest are in the back seat asking if “we’re there yet”!! It’s clown chaos, I tell you! 🤣 Thanks for helping me love them….I think we’ll even stop for ice cream! 😮😉🥰

    1. ❤ love you Pam! Thanks for your message, last days i am missing my parents so much and my thoughts of being without them hurt a lot. So today i try again, sending them love and to you allso, my father always said its okay this was tis mantra, thank you for reminding me ❤😘

  4. It’s Okay! “For Taz. I could never live without you. So I don’t.” That’s all you need to know.
    Lots of love from one Pam to another!

  5. What if the clown is right ? I have put on 30 extra pounds and I won’t stop binging on food and tv. I send love to my reality and to my judging thoughts – I can do whatever I want as long as I love it all, which I do – and then? How is this “comfort” zone good? Sending and thinking loving thoughts to all the clowns inside and out makes
    me believe everything is ok. Is it really?

    1. Conchita,

      I don’t know what Pam will have to say about your question but I wanted you to know I read it & I know exactly where you are coming from.
      Sending love,

    2. I have the same questions. I’ve had a chronic illness for 32 years and it’s getting worse………….bring in the clowns? hahahaha! Brit’ Bunny.

  6. Thankyou Pam. Just what I needed this morning. So now instead of feeling bad that I feel grumpy, I’m loving that grumpy girl and she’s already smiling! So simple yet so profound. Thankyou and much love to you! 👍🏻💙🌺🦋⭐️

  7. Hi Pam,
    I seriously love all of your blogs but sometimes they REALLY hit the nail on the head for me- it’s like you have written it especially for me at this moment in time!
    Great analogy!

  8. Pam,
    You have honestly saved my life with this post, and I don’t think I’m joking! This shifted things for me, just over halfway through Lisa’s 40 day program. This post helped me understand better and gave me freedom to approach the ego with humor without the ego attachment and the constant whisper that I’m not doing it right! I support that teaching with your “experiment”!!!! and this post is really EXACTLY what I needed at the time I needed it. Because of the clown car, and carrying the energy of it, I made an offhand comment to someone that sparked the Tinkerbell in me, I actually felt the flutter inside! But that flutter, the energy of it remains. I have been inspired in ways I used to be, I feel reborn! It shows me just what we will miss from your Omega workshop! The light is out there and I can’t wait to see what else manifests!
    Thank you for sharing your truth with us.
    I feel blessed to have found you,

  9. I love you Pam grout more and more everyday. You have such a gift with words you always brighten my day and then I can turn around and brighten somebody else’s as you know that’s the way it works thank you for your kind words and love…❤ nancy

  10. Sending you the warmest hug through cyberspace💫
    May we all find a peace beyond our understanding when having to be physically separated from our loved ones. This is my prayer for you Pam.💕

  11. The mean self loathing clown showed up this morning as I was writing my morning pages. I had to say “thank you and I’ve had enough today” then sent it to sit quietly as I took my walk and ate a healthy breakfast. I will not let it drive again for a while, I hope. 😉 Great post with great help. Thanks .

  12. Thanks Pam, I love the analogy for the “monkey mind” of the clown car! lol
    Love always seems to be the answer! I think we are all feeling lots of clowns in our heads right now!
    Love and Blessings!

  13. Thank you so much for this! It really made me smile! It’s all gonna be fine!

  14. I am in relationship with everyone of these clowns. Over and over they pop in my head, sometimes I want to dunk my head in a bucket of water and hold my breath!! I am okay. I am okay. We are both loved. Go away clowns.

    Here is my art as wallpaper. Enjoy! Sent from my iPhone


  15. Thank you Pam! I truly needed this message today! I love all the wisdom you and your clowns have to offer!

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