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Love, only love

“The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.”—Rumi
taz from willem 2

Long time, eh? Especially for a writer like me who believes in exercising her creativity on a daily basis.

Words have seemed a bit clumsy lately. How can I possibly summarize the journey of the past few months?

If anything, I’ve learned death isn’t the end of a relationship. Rather, it’s an invitation for a different type of relationship.

After Timothy Leary died, Ram Dass, his colleague at Harvard in the 60’s, was asked how he felt about the loss of his long-time associate?

Ram Dass answered, “What loss? He’s still with me.”

A different interviewer asked Julia Roberts, whose father died of throat cancer when she was 11 or 12, if she regretted never having had an adult relationship with him. She said, “Are you kidding? He’s with me ALL the time.”

Tasman still feels very present, living within me, changing me, walking through the world with me.

Whenever I veer off the path, when I choose to resist this new reality (which causes me to stiffen, suffer and basically hurt myself), she sends a sign. Like at a coffee shop the other day. An unknown college student sat down at the adjoining bookstore’s baby grand and played one of Taz’s old contest songs. Readers from around the world continue to send pictures of 222. Dear friends continue to offer up support and unconditional love.

I’m constantly reminded I have but one choice–to bow to the mystery, to recognize that whatever’s happening here is more profound than I–at least while in this body–can begin to understand.

I haven’t abandoned my beliefs in joy and gratitude. It’s just that now a gauntlet has been thrown for me to enlarge my reality, to view life from an elevated context, to truly smoke what I’ve been selling the past six years in my books and workshops.

I plan to head back out into the world soon. I recently turned in the manuscript for the Course in Miracles book. Look for ACIM for Badasses in early 2020. I’m giving a workshop in California in a couple weeks and I’ll be making the official announcement of the first recipient of the 222 Foundation on, you guessed it, February 22.

I continue to be inspired by the magical gift of my daughter. And I’m grateful I get to carry forward the beautiful world I experience through her eyes.

Pam Grout is the author of 19 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest book, Art & Soul,Reloaded: A Year-Long Apprenticeship to Summon the Muses and Ignite Your Daring, Audacious, Creative Side.

103 Responses

    1. I’ve missed your posts. Loved this one as it hits home. So glad to hear if your book as I’m so looking forward to having it in my hands. Blessings and hugs.

  1. Bless your dear heart….so sorry this has happened to you but sincerely appreciate you sharing this unexpected journey with your fans who are all hoping and praying for some good to be found in what initially appears to be a trajedy…God, or whomever, bless you.

  2. I know no words I could write could possibly soothe this pain you’re enduring, but know that this stranger / friend you’ve just never met, is thinking of you and sending peace and comfort daily. So much wisdom… “when I choose to resist it causes me to stiffen, suffer…”. Yes, that is grief isn’t it. Sending you love Pam. 💗

  3. Love your posts, thank you. Happy to do another interview with you for OpEdNews when the ACIM book is ready…just let me know … I enjoyed a workshop on ACIM in the mid-80’s with Kenneth Wapnick and Judith Skutch…

  4. Dearest Pam,
    So good to hear from you again. I think of you often and know that you must be learning so much at this time and will share these new lessons with us. ACIM for Badasses! I am sooo ready!

  5. You are divine. Thank you for sharing your continuous, infinite light and that of Tas ✨🙏🏻❤️❤️🌹💙

    — (jadybates.com // Insta: @jadybates )


    1. Thanks for checking in Pam, When I think of you and Taz I send much love. Always wonderful to read your heart opening posts.

  6. Thanks so much for your books and posts. My heart goes out to you in your grief. You are an inspiration to me and so many others!

  7. Dearest Pam, it’s so lovely to hear from you! I too am someone who has suffered great loss and had I t empower me to teach nothing but love! And I too have been forced over the years to really smoke the stuff I’m selling! I’m so excited for all your new works, I’m so happy for your capacity to continue to love.

    With deep appreciation,

  8. I happened to look down at my phone today and saw 2:22 and of course thought of you…with ❤️Love❤️Only Love! And the fact that you turned in the manuscript for the next book already really proves that your Wonder Woman stance pays off! You are and a,ways will be an inspiration, because you speak from your heart ❤️ !
    ❤️ Virginia

  9. Dear Pam,

    Thank you for sharing your truth. Love is eternal. Thank you for always inspiring us!

    Sending you love & light


  10. Dear Pam,
    My mom died when I was sixteen. I had just given birth to my son and was in a shaky marriage to an 18-year-old. Someone told me maybe she could do more for me from where she was, and that is exactly what happened. I still get feathers, pennies, birds and other signs that I am deeply and completely cherished by those on the other side.

  11. The more I look, the more I see how our children can be our biggest spiritual teachers. Some more than others. My son began changing my life from the day he was born very unexpectedly, seven weeks early. And continued to change it with each diagnosis and challenge that’s come our way. They force us to walk the talk. As a mom, my heart breaks for you. And yet, the beautiful and very powerful things that will now come from your new relationship with Taz, will have a profound impact on both you and the world.

  12. You, and only you, inspire me to put one step in front of the other during my most difficult days. Sending love and positive energy to you during this difficult time.

  13. Dear Pam,

    I am so sorry and I feel completely out of touch. I had no idea of this passing until today! Recently I have met two other people in the last two months who have lost children and now this news this morning. I am saddened by your loss but inspired by your courage. I am sending you lots of love and healing.

    I want you to know that you were and are a gift to me. You once replied to an email you sent me and it meant more to me than you could possibly ever realise. I will never forget you for that…

    Best Wishes Michael Toohey from Australia.

  14. It’s great to hear from you again Pam.You truly shine light and love on the world and it is amazing to see the way you are handling handle Taz’s transition. My thoughts are often with you as you have had a massive impact on my own life.

  15. Dearest Pam, you have been in my thoughts often over the past months. It’s lovely to hear from you today. And to hear of the beautiful messages you receive from Taz at the perfect time to help remind you she is still with you. Pam you continue to be an inspiration to me. To be able to write so honestly and to be willing to keep doing what you love even when it feels clumsy, and even if it’s not as regularly as you’d like, takes courage. Thankyou for sharing your journey with us. 🙏
    I love the title of your ACIM book and it’s funny because recently I bought two books with badass in the title! It’s not a word I use or would normally be attracted to but these books spoke to me, so I look forward to becoming an ACIM badass!! 😁
    I’ve taken a few photos of the number 222 over the last few months but have forgotten to send them to you. Your post today has reminded me so I’ll do that as soon as I’ve posted these comments. Biggest hugs dear Pam. I look forward to the day I get to give you an actual hug face to face, but in the meantime I’ll send them vibrationally to you 🤗 Lots of love too from Jenny Louise 💛🧡❤️💜

  16. I’ve been hovering over your book, especially this last week, giving me direction, hope and waves of encouragement. The book E squared, you must always remember how many people you have touched deeply and continue to do so.

    Your journey is far from over, “wherever a a beautiful soul has been, there is a trail of beautiful memories”. Take care, I wish you peace. Looking forward to continuing to learn how this universe truly operates. Sue Cady

    Sent from my iPhone Sue

  17. Pam – good to hear from you again. I think of you and Taz often. It always inspires me to change my perspective when I fall off the gratitude truck. Let us know if there are advanced sales for your ACIM book. Best ever. Sending you love and light.

  18. You are such an amazing human, Pam❤️

    I send you love and appreciation for your bravery, your transparency, and for continuing to show up in the world.

    May you know this as truth and find comfort💕



  19. I’m a big fan of “222” as noted by my email handle “lovetootootoo”. I used to have “love222” but unfortunately back in the day (1992) I forgot the password and it was difficult to retrieve when I moved to Canada, hence the email change.
    My lisense plate reads “❤️LOVE22” the lack of a third “2” being because there is not enough room. Now the universe sends me “22” signs ALL the time. That’s my handle with my HP!
    I recently started “LOVE22 Designs”. I love my twos.

  20. Hi Pam!
    My heart opens exponentially every time I read your recent posts. As a mother of three, the pain hits deeply and I don’t know how to respond. However, your courage and willingness to move into the unknown and the ALT reality of your loving relationship and connection with the MOST AWESOME TAZ has opened up something unexpected and deep in me. I have always steered clear of the real painful feelings, but you and TAZ have allowed me to feel them and now I will never fear them. Do they cut to the heart? Yes, with many tears and heart wrenching feelings. But the beauty in the depth of the love is something that somehow transcends the pain and our humanness. Thank you for all of your sharing. Sending SO MICH LOVE AND GRATITUDE to you and TAZ!!!

  21. Pam, I think of you and Taz almost daily and send you love. I respect you so much for your ability to walk the talk. I am so glad you checked in today. I am looking forward to ACIM for badasses. Sending you a hug. You and Taz are amazing.

  22. Love you Pam!

    Your ability to articulate what I feel is a gift! My dad passed this past year and unlike your Taz, he was 92! My 2 regrets, that he never got to meet my love and I never sang his favorite song in one of his favorite places, I always “intended” to sing acapella for him at the church he attended, just he and me and his favorite song. My love accompanied me to his memorial and I sang dad’s favorite song-On Eagles Wings—the last chorus it changed to Angel’s Wings and the choir joined in —unplanned. I swear something HAPPENED in that moment! I am not the only one who felt it. My dad remains close to me, sometimes he sends my mom, me, maybe other siblings (?) “little” signs. I miss his physical presence dearly and at the same time feel so connected and joyful. A dichotomy. I cannot imagine the loss of a child. My dad lived a great and long healthy life. My thoughts are with you! Keep exploring this new path with the guidance of your angel, Taz. Best Pam! Jan

    Sent from my iPhone

    “May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view!” Edward Abbey


  23. Cannot wait for ACIM for BADASSES!!!
    Love you so….you are speaking exactly how I feel about those who’ve gone before me!! Yet, are with me—Love, Love, Love.
    222💕 Blessings!!
    Love you, Pam-

  24. Pam, it’s wonderful to hear from you. Your heartfelt and honest stories about your life are so welcome and inspiring. Since I was one of those encouraging you to write your own ACIM guide, I’m delighted to hear it’s coming (sorta) soon. Much love to you!

  25. Pam..you are always in my thoughts and as I was thinking of you in my car 222 appeared on the license plate in front of me. I ask for HP to send you a peace beyond your understanding and divine grace to fill you with strength. I truly believe in spiritual communication with our loved ones❤
    A warm embrace.

  26. Hi Pam…I was so glad to see your email today!!! Been thinking about you and wondering how your getting along.We are here for you…cheering for you…hoping for you!!!Taz seemed amazing and beautiful!! Thanks for sharing her story and her pics.

  27. nice to hear from you as always. your blog and the beautiful pictures never fail to make me happy. thank you for coming into my world..


  28. Dear Pam…….thank you for being such a lovely soul and for sharing your gift of writing with us. You and your precious daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. May the love you are receiving from all over the world light your path. Big hugs and love to you.

  29. Dearest Pam, I have kept you and Tasman close to my heart since her transition. As a mother of a daughter I understand the absolute pain of no longer having her here in form. If anyone can turn a loss of such magnitude into grace it would be you. The depth of your grief is testament to the depth of your love.

    Don’t know if you’ve heard this Ted Talk by Madonna Badger… she discovered that her 3 daughters who died in a fire were always with her if she remained in a state of love. What a powerful lesson!

    We are all with you in this. God bless.

  30. Touched by your tribute to your beautiful Taz, deeply moved by your courage. Sending wishes for peace, comfort and endless confirmations that all is well. Love from a Grout descendant.

  31. Oh Pam… so uplifted by your words … never stop sharing and writing and being you. With deeply felt appreciation…Zabette, an Ozzie follower. 🌸🌸🌸

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

  32. How lovely to hear from you. I was only wondering the other day hiw you were. You are an inspiration. Truly.

  33. Courageous lady, I am awed by your spirt. I have missed you and wondered how you have been and whether you would eventually make it back to us. I should have had more faith. Sending love and feeling your sorrow. x

  34. Thank-you. Pam
    ACIM teaches only Love is real all else is an illusion. That thought has been one of the most valuable lessons from ACIM for me. I treasure your words and your resolve to be a loving force
    With love

  35. Many blessings to you, Pam, as you deal with the most human of emotions…loss…and show us that it is not a direct path, but one that ultimately shows us that love never dies.

  36. Dear Pam, so so sorry – I want to write ‘for your loss’ and yet in the context of what you write it is so much more. Sending huge love, holding and compassion as the grief is felt and gives way to so much beauty-only love Michaela

  37. You are a beautiful person – thanks for these words and I CAN’T wait for ACIM for badasses – what a fantastic title!!

  38. Ms. Grout,  Let me start by saying I am sorry for your loss. I have read E2, and in the process of reading E3. I am currently in the 2nd chapter searching for a list of 8 items. 

    I recently subscribed to your blog after reading about it in your book. Today I opened my 1st email from you. I was excited to read it. I had no idea about your daughter nor your foundation. I googled it to learn more. Again, I am truly sorry.  I find it very fitting and comforting to see one of the items on my list, The number 222, come from you.  Thank you for the smile. It is my first found item in my scavenger hunt. 🙂 Is that a beach ball in the background in that beautiful picture of your daughter? 😉 It’s also on my list as you may recall. My mother and brother passed away in 2013. I still feel their presence. Mom told me when she died, she would send quarters, instead of pennies, as a sign she is fine, and she has <3 Take care, 

    Dawn M. Boyd  

  39. I starting writing a book about my experience of being sexually assaulted a few years ago. I got stuck writing that book. It came to me to write about my grandmother instead. She was 69 the year I was born and was the light of my childhood. She was 75 when my brother was born and was the light of his childhood. As I write this, I am back in touch with my grandmother’s spirit. She made her transition a long time ago, yet she still walks with me. I fell her presence when I slow down and allow that to happen. Blessings, Nancy

  40. This is lovely and important in so many ways, Pam. As you continue, Taz continues, too, and we are all enriched by your sharing along the way. Much love, Nomi

  41. Thank you I missed your mails a lot and think you and even take photo off the 222 in my phone to send to you…
    Wish the workshop was here in Colorado.
    Send love to you.

  42. Thank you for your post! It’s good to hear from you. One day at a time! It’s a new chapter in your life, one where you will continued to be enlightened with your Daughter by your side showing you the way!

  43. Love you and miss you. I can’t imagine what your path has been like, but I hope you are continually lifted up along the way.

  44. Hi Pam, Wow; this was the first I had heard of your daughter’s passing (when I read it last night). I am so, so, so sending you and all the members of your family Light, Love, Reiki, and prayers. Having read Tasman still feels very present, living within me, changing me, walking through the world with me, it really touched my heart and made me feel inspired that more and more of us can and will experience this at the transition of our loved ones. Thanks so much for opening your heart, your life and your soul to me,… to all of us.


    Brahman/Frank Schawaller 434-808-4285

  45. I hold you in my heart and think of you often. Looking forward to your ACIM work. All the love –

  46. Dearest Pam,
    I only wish I had the words that you so beautifully state, when I was going through the same challenging time of my life. I greatly appreciate your gift with words and look forward to your emails to know how your doing through your journey. Somehow our children from another dimension help us through. What a gift they are. Thank you for being you. Teri

  47. So glad to finally hear from you! And that you are “hearing from” Taz, all the time.
    Looking forward to more goodness and light, from you, and for you!
    Pamela Joy

  48. Sending you so much love. Its another life lesson that we all learn at different points in our lives. Leaning to experience our love ones outside of the physical realm will always be new to us each time we experience it. The pain is real, but we learn to embrace the new form of existence and we start smiling authentically again. No words and no one will ever be able to make this learning any less harder, its one that we definitely learn independently day by day. God bless you and take care of you.

  49. Dear Pam
    You took the hit for us all.
    Please vote for Marianne Williamson for president.

  50. Welcome back dear Pam- thank you for continually showing us the grace that can be present in the face of such unimaginable loss.

  51. I understand how you feel. I just started a few months ago my new FB page of the study of LoA, Quantum Physics, and God. How they work together. When Sis died a little less than 3 weeks ago, I had just been telling her so much about LoA. Now, it has not been making much progress and I keep blaming myself, instead of just realizing how perfect it all is and just moving through it to joy.
    I have had a few noticed moments of LoA the last couple of weeks – I should be concentrating on that and my belief that all things are perfect and work together.

      1. Sorry, LoA is the Law of Attraction. Simply, it means that you attract into your life whatever stems from the deepest part of your soul/mind., whether you think outwardly that that is what you want or not.

  52. Recently, I looked at my phone and the time was exactly 2:22 I immediately thought of you. Thankful that you are still writing. Through your eyes and words our hearts are being awakened. ❤️

  53. Yesterday, I saw 222 on my clock. I thought of you and Taz. I am writing a book about my grandmother. She was an amazing women who brought love and light to my brother and I. She died over 40 years ago and I still miss her. Yet, she is with me when I quiet myself and allow myself to feel her presence. Love does not end when someone transitions, love continues if we allow ourselves to accept it. Nancy Taylor

  54. Hi Pam,
    I’m so glad I found this email which got by me. I was hoping you would write again soon so thank you for your update and wonderful attitude. I am looking forward to your new book and I’m so glad you feel Taz and are developing the new vibrational relationship with her that takes effort and is so possible but not always easy. No death, no separation.
    Sending love Alway, Anna Marie Enea

  55. Hello, Pam, I have always followed your posts, I have your books and I love them, they have given me so much insight. I have even commented on some of your posts. I lost you for awhile, and when I came back on, I was so stunned, so shocked, so devastated for the loss of your daughter! I missed out on what happened! I have an only daughter, we talk every day, she is my World! What if? How could I endure the loss> And yet, here you are, living the loss. May the Universe bless you! I send you love, caring, sympathy, oneness. Time, time, time, when one is in pain the time passes so slowly. And yet, in one’s whole lifetime, time is shorter than the day! I missed out on what happened. I have never met you, but I love you. I love who you are and what you give to the world, your wisdom, your books, your classes, yourself! May the Universe bless you and have its had on your back through this huge loss. I am so deeply sad for you. Sent with love, Jenny Markakis

  56. My dear Pam,

    I understand your challenges as you go forth in love, not fear. I too lost a child, my beloved son Joseph in December 2017. I will never be the same and neither will you.

    What is next for us? As we continue to strive to carry on, it is not always easy. Each day I live with the hope and prayer to be a light unto the world and help others feel the same. If I can help one other person then my son Joseph’s death shall not be in vain!

    Love Always,


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