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Anatomy of a guilt trip

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude towards the problem.”—Captain Jack Sparrow

My dysfunction of choice has always been guilt. Maybe you’ve been on the same hamster wheel? The one where you obsessively worry about all the things you could have, should have, why didn’t I? do better.

I wrongly believed that if I beat myself up enough I would become a better person. If I listed all my faults and came up with a plan to improve upon each of them, I would finally get the guy, the financial situation, the (fill in the blank) I so desired.

What I finally came to realize is that guilt (and all its mean girl cousins) is a deterrent to miracles. Each “why didn’t I?” only made the wall between me and my highest good more impenetrable.

As I began to dismantle each shaming thought, to take my focus off the “facts” of my pitiful existence, a higher Truth began trickling in. I am okay just the way I am.

Every wrinkle on my nearly 60-year-old face, every age spot, every time I felt wronged or angry and acted less than the perfect human I aspired to be is okay.

Self-love isn’t about getting a massage every other week or treating myself to a bubble bath–although they’re nice gifts and never discouraged. Self-love is about accepting myself exactly as I am. Warts and all.

It’s about the two magic words I repeat over and over again: It’s okay. Whatever I think, whatever I feel, it’s all okay. And I am lovable and loved despite my perceived flaws and alleged past “failings.”

Guilt, it turns out, is as foolhardy as any military Strategic Defense Initiative. The only thing it can ever deter is the always-flowing stream of universal good.

Pam Grout is the author of 17 books including E-Squared: 9 Do-it-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality and its equally-scintillating sequel, E-Cubed, 9 More Experiments that Prove Mirth, Magic and Merriment is your Full-time Gig.

15 Responses

  1. Good morning Pam and thank you for this article. The light bulb moment happens again with your writing and my brain. You have made me “get it” that without my faults, warts, wrinkles,age spots and all, my goodness would not shine through. It is the same as you cannot have gratitude without experiencing the dark side of life as well or there is nothing to compare it to.

  2. Ich bin gerade das 2 Buch am lesen E2 und habe mir gerade gewünscht das ich lesen kann was in meiner E Mail steht da mein Englisch nicht mehr so gut ist da kam plötzlich von Englisch in Deutsch übersetzen habe mich sehr gefreut mit freundlichen Grüßen Kassandra

  3. I LOVE YOU!! My name is Donna Brady, and I’ll be 55!( yikes!) on Feb. 3rd. Your writing resonates with me in a PROFOUND, positive way! I pray you keep writing forever. You are a GENIUS!!! Thank u for being u, Love n peace, Donna☺

  4. Why mean GIRL cousins and not mean cousins. Deep down All girls are sugar and spice and everything nice! We are nurturing not mean as the media dictates.

  5. Thanks to you, Pam, I’m reminded that the FP is constantly conspiring on my behalf. I just need to get my ego out of the way of its benevolent force. Namaste’

  6. No truer words, Pam: “Guilt, it turns out, is as foolhardy as any military Strategic Defense Initiative. The only thing it can ever deter is the always-flowing stream of universal good.”
    Perfectly said!

  7. Hello Pam Grout

    I find your writing quite inspiring, thank you! But although I read it consistently and apply all the principals in the e-squared book, things always seem to go back to “1-square”… What am I lacking? Why is it a struggle to keep happy? I am in a muddle these days, won’t go into all that, mainly because I have no guarantee the messages you receive from the outside are not filtered. On the other hand, I don’t want to encourage my personal apocalypse by shouting out all my negativity into the ether.

    So please keep writing. At least 2 minutes a week I feel as if things could work out….

    Thank you Nina Stansfield

    Sent from my iPad


  8. I had a teacher who taught me that self-esteem is to assume it’s okay no matter what happens, even if I’m wrong and I agree. the blame is useless. Thanks Pam continue accompanying and supporting my growth. PD from Mexico City

  9. My Mother told me this years ago and it stays with me when I hear anything regarding guilt. ” Harboring guilt leads to the erosion of a mans soul”. Thanks for reminding me to move past it !

  10. My best friend is a baker and personnel manager at her family’s restaurant in our small town. She is the mother of six and often takes her young staff under her wing to give them love and guidance. Finances are usually pretty tight for her, but one year her husband was able to pull enough together to get her a gold mother’s ring small enough to wear on her delicate finger yet proudly displaying six gems on top of her wedding band. On New Year’s Eve, she took her rings off to make fresh gnocchi and with the hustle and bustle of the holiday, left them at the restaurant. She called me the next day devastated that they were missing. After our conversation, I sent her the following text: When you have thoughts of despair about your loss, look down at your hand and “see” your rings, truly believe they will be on your hand again. Think thoughts of love and forgiveness for the one that took them. Make yourself believe they will do the right thing and return them. You have the power to manifest ANYTHING you want…this is what Pam Grout who wrote E Squared would tell you.
    Five days later I received this text from her: My rings are back!!!

  11. Thanks, Pam! I’ve been practicing unconditional happiness for a while now, so that it has become my habit. Now and then there’s a dip, and reminding myself that this, too, is “okay” takes the pressure off. Still okay!

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