Why Love–not Orange–is the New Black
“People love their mental prison cells because it gives them a sense of security and a false sense of, ‘I know.’”—Eckhart Tolle
I LOVE this picture with 15 of God’s adorable angels. It was sent to me by the inimitable Becky Buckman, who is teaching the principles of E-Squared and E-Cubed to inmates at a maximum security prison in Nashville, Tennesse. As she says, “I love teaching LOA to these ‘tough on the outside” men who are continuing to expand the way they think and empower themselves.”
I was so thrilled that my fabulous publisher, Hay House, donated books for their next session beginning November 8. I also want to thank Becky for inventing a new word from my name. She now says, “She is groutful, which is one step better even than being grateful.”
I hope she’ll report back with results of this upcoming eight-week class, but in the meantime, here’s a blog post (as I mentioned I’m in Helsinki this week, rocking the casbah at the Glo Art Hotel) from Linda Ford, a Martha Beck master coach who has blessed us here on the blog in the past. Take it away, Linda:
THE POWER OF NOT CLOSING DOWN
Remember when you were a kid playing with your friends, and you lost the game you were playing, or you came-in last at the race, or you realized that you just couldn’t keep up or compete with your friends? Do you also remember walking away with a temper tantrum and saying out loud in frustration: I don’t want to play anymore!
We may be grown-ups now, but many of us still react this way when life doesn’t give us the relationship we’re longing for, the job we desire, or the house of our dreams. And unfortunately, many of us see our disappointment and frustration as a reason to close down, especially if you’ve been waiting a long time. It’s the grown up version of I don’t want to play anymore.
I have a client (who I’ll call Mary). She’s gone through years of feeling frustrated and despondent because she never seems get what she wants. Life is one big struggle. She recently experienced a huge disappointment when a job she had high hopes of getting and which she had invested a lot of time interviewing for, didn’t pan out. Here’s what she told me:
I feel as if I’m back in the trenches, starting all over again. Other people don’t seem to go through this prolonged crap that I go though. How long is this going to go on?
Mary’s tendency to want to close down when she doesn’t get what she wants is a pattern that also shows up in her relationship life. She goes on dates, and ends up feeling depressed and disappointed that the guys aren’t a match for she’s looking for.
What Mary and many of us don’t get, is that when circumstances don’t match up to our desires—when we experience red flags that something is not quite right with a job or a date—it’s not because we’re unlucky or unable to attract, or because we’re not favored by the gods. It’s just that we need more fine-tuning and personal alignment. We need to do the inner work.
We don’t get what we want because we continue to play out a vibration with our words and feelings that tell the universe that we don’t want to play anymore. And in that moment of disappointment (and it’s a pivotal moment!) we make the decision (and the huge mistake) for the umpteenth time, to close down and let our negative emotions sweep over us and dictate our energy. And once again, the door to everything we want gets slammed shut in our face.
What if instead of seeing your disappointment and frustration as just another indication that you’re unlucky or cursed, you saw it as an opportunity for fine-tuning your desires? What if you saw the job or relationship you didn’t get, as an opportunity to line up with a bigger and better version of what you want? What if you saw your defeat as an opportunity to practice unconditional self- love? What if you saw the let down as a way to get CLARITY?
People who are getting what they want in life don’t go off in a temper tantrum. They stay in the game. They don’t buy into the thought that they’re unlucky, or that life is out to get them. They prefer to hang out with and stay attuned to their desires rather than their disappointments. They are grateful for the clarity that’s emerging.
As savvy as we all are about the principles of the law of attraction, many of us still hold onto the belief that there are outside (external) forces that are blocking our success. We just love to pass the buck and blame something, anything but ourselves. We still secretly love to believe that some people are favored by the gods while others have been left out. We still partly believe that it’s about the family we were born into or the boss who keeps denying you that promotion. These old paradigms of thinking from the outside-in—even if they occupy just ten percent of our thinking—interfere with our ability to manifest the life we crave. Why? Because we end up NOT taking full responsibility for the quality of our thoughts and feelings. We resist doing the inner work.
What if you could finally accept that whatever is manifesting for you in life is one hundred percent because of the way YOU think and feel? What if you could finally start living from the INSIDE OUT?
The brilliant Joseph Campbell said: The gods will give you want you want, but you have to be ready for it.
I love this quote because it reminds me that I am in the control box. I am steering my own ship. And the only thing I (and Mary) have to do is get ready for the delicious life that’s waiting for us to step into.
Linda Ford is a Master Coach, personally trained by Martha Beck. Her mission is to help people get out of their own way and THRIVE.
Pam Grout is the author of 17 books including E-Squared: 9 Do-it-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality and the just-released sequel, E-Cubed, 9 More Experiments that Prove Mirth, Magic and Merriment is your Full-time Gig.