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Four vital truths that self-help books fail to mention. Or why striving sucks.

“If ever I am sad or hurt or ill, I have forgotten what God thinks and put my little meaningless ideas where His Thoughts belong.” – A Course in Miracles

I know. I know. Many of my books are listed in the self-help section. But here’s why I’d like to invent a new category:

1. Striving is unnecessary. By the time we’re adults, we master a mental architecture that insists our number one job is to figure out what’s missing from our lives and to create a plan to find it.

But here’s a news flash!!! There is nothing missing. When we strive to change, we set up an energetic frequency (I always think of the cloud that followed Pig-Pen in the Peanuts cartoon) that keeps our good away.

2. In Truth, there is absolutely nothing wrong. No matter how it may appear to the naked eye, you, me, all of us are perfect just as we are. Right here, in this moment, we are perfect children of the most high F.P. When we seek to “fix” something, we only add weight to the illusion that something could be wrong. And in seeking, we train ourselves how to be broken. Wanting to change something sets off warning bells, sends up a red flare. Danger-danger, Will Robinson.

3.There’s no need to follow the seven (or eight) steps. Most of us believe there’s a linear progression. We go from A to B to C, etc. When you live in miracle mind, which is your natural state, answers arise spontaneously, people you’re meant to meet show up in the same aisle at the drug store, everything works without effort. Going from A to Z to A again is how we can fly.

4. There’s 24/7 custom-designed guidance. One size (or diet plan or strategy for meeting your soulmate) does not fit all. Everything you need to know is already inside you. The fact you look for it somewhere else is why the answers continue to elude. Any worthy pilgrimage will always bring you straight back to yourself.

So, I’d like to propose a name change. Instead of self-help, how about Self-Connecting to the Bigger Thing. Look for it at your local bookstore.

Pam Grout is the author of 17 books including E-Squared: 9 Do-it-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality and the just-released sequel, E-Cubed, 9 More Experiments that Prove Mirth, Magic and Merriment is your Full-time Gig.

39 Responses

  1. Or perhaps Big Picture Realisation section – to know that we are part of the jigsaw puzzle and the jigsaw puzzle at the same time. Perhaps on second thoughts we should have the Mind Bending Mind Blowing Section – the safe, legal alternative to drugs!

  2. I absolutely adore you wrote Danger, Danger Will Robinson! I say that to my 17 year old just to watch him crack up. Pam Grout you crack me up!

  3. It sounds like living in the Tao…..go with the flow and everything will come to me?
    Ram Dass used to say Maharaj-ji told him……”It’s ALL perfect”…..even when it appears not to be!……Love your book E-3….so much fun to read. Love you, Diane

  4. I love your emails. I’m reading your E Squared book and am having trouble manifesting. Maybe I still have doubt, or feel stressed waiting for things to manifest. I want to feel peace. I guess I have a lot of work to do.

    Thanks for your book and your blog-they really help-Kendra

    Sent from my iPhone


    1. Okay, so here’s the thing. It’s all okay. It’s okay if you have doubt. It’s okay if you feel stress. Once you just realize it’s all okay, then it will be.

  5. PG, I have tead E2 and I am reading E cubed and follow these principles most off life, I’m in my 50s. Many of my friends are students of the course, life long spiritualists, and experience rough patches from time to time. As examples, an unexpected threat from a stranger, another fell off her bike and severely broke her collar bone & pelvis, a friend lost her beautiful angelic, connected son to a freak recreational accident, and there are other examples. You are not suggesting these beautiful souls brought this unwanted, unwarranted energy in, are you? Each person has gone through these changes fearlessly, with compassion, mercy, forgiveness. There are universal forces occurring through the collective, the beheadings of innocent, the kidnapping of over 300 young girls … we can send love to all and understand we can difuse the energy by not engaging in hatred and fear. Books like yours are so important — like the secret it can also make good people think their drawing in every creepy thing that occurs. This week I asked the FP to show me definitively that I am light, and if I am drawing in dark energy to show me this too. I was showered with the meaningful symbols that I often see like a plethora of white feathers (some in highly unusual places) shimmering gold and silver dusted star fish (stars are prevalent lately) free money, new business, unexpected gifts. It validated to me shit happens, it’s how we handle it, process it that matters. Staying in the positive, seeing the blessings, sending love, recognizing we are connected is paramount — this is what your books teach. For those who think because something unpleasant happened in your life, not to worry, keep vibrating your light, practice staying in joy, pay attention spirits guidance through signs!

    1. Whatever happens, I like to say, “This is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Even things that others might judge as “bad.” Our role, I believe, is not to critique whether any circumstance is good or bad, but to love the whole danged shooting match. But I would NEVER, ever encourage someone to feel guilt or blame themselves for anything. It’s all okay!!!

      1. I agree, if we look for the gifts in any situation, we receive wonderful blessings — the death of a child … a mission to help other, a crushed pelvis … the realization how quickly an accident can change course and to appreciate all your blessings, a threat from a mentally challenged person … send love and understanding and continue to demonstrate grace and fearless living — vulnerability allows others in, allows connection, support, giving and receiving, balance and fluidity…

  6. Pam your books E Squared and E Cubed are just brilliant!

    I called on the F.P. to show me a butterfly. Suddenly in front of me appeared a few
    butterflies and then a beautiful white one! When they were gone I told the F.P. to
    let the white butterfly fly in front of me again and it did but this time it was right
    in front of me like suspended in mid air. I was so overcome I just started crying!
    Pam I need your advice on the following: I dearly wish to return to my country,
    South Africa and have tried really hard to obtain the money to do this. Have also
    tried to obtain employment in SA! Each time I hear nothing I become really
    depressed….. I have always believed that one has to take action but after reading
    your latest post maybe I am sending out the wrong vibrations….. Do I put the
    request out for the amount to the F.P. and just wait…. without any action on my

    Love your books Pam!


    Carol xx

  7. I’ve been pondering over this wonderful post all morning…asking myself “well, if everything is okay, then why should I seek out guidance?” More specifically, I’m needing some help figuring out what my next move should be job wise, and was considering consulting with a non-biased person (a life coach or a physic—haven’t decided yet). But if everything is supposedly fine the way it is, then why should one seek to improve their situation? Where is the fine line between accepting everything as it is, and wanting to improve (and not settling for the current status of one’s life)? To want better but to be content with the now?

    1. Alana, it’s fine to set a goal and achieve it.

      But striving implies a struggle against outside forces to get there.

      I like this quote from A Course In Miracles (Urtext):

      “Truth is always abundant. Those who perceive and acknowledge that they have everything have no need for driven behavior of any kind.”

      Everything’s okay because the Force is with you.

    2. Here’s another quote, I’ve posted before:

      “One who flows as life flows has solved the enigma of human existence and needs no other power.” –Lao Tzu

      But I don’t believe it’s about just waiting around for “whatever.” Unless you want to.

      It’s trusting the FP to carry you to the goal you’ve set, VIA developing conditions.

      1. Thank you for your reply Dennis…I was thinking about it last night because it seemed almost unnatural to not strive…until I looked the word up in the dictionary and realized that it meant:
        to exert oneself vigorously; try hard.
        to make strenuous efforts toward any goal:
        to strive for success.
        to contend in opposition, battle, or any conflict; compete.

        So instead of striving I’ll be eager and open to what the world has in store for me and continue following my gut (or my ‘grout’ in this instance). Instead of competing I’ll be creating…

        Thanks again!

  8. Thank you so much for these lovely words. As luck would have it….this was just what I needed to hear today. Please accept my gratitude.

  9. I love your # 3, I laugh at the number of steps everything takes – it seems every blog is 17 steps to enlightenment …. 10 easy steps to weight loss… 5 steps to flatter abs – I just want to say theres no stepping into presence your already there!
    Love your books btw

  10. Ever since I learned about and tried to apply the law of attraction, my life has gone from average to a failure in everything. I have being failing at it for two years. Sometimes I wish I never heard about it but I just can’t give up on it. My hope is weaning and I have already lost my desire to live. Any advice Pam?

  11. Pam,
    Love it, just as I have been loving all your work (E2=fantastic, E3=MAGICAL!!) and your e-mail blog posts. Some of your suggestions are things I have been doing for as long as I can remember, but you put a super-fun spin on them, or remind me to pay even more attention, etc…And then there are brand new suggestions for making life more fun and less serious. Thank you so much for making me smile, over and over again. xox

  12. I would put Pam’s books in a new section called “Helping Yourself to Remember the Things You Didn’t Know You Had Forgotten”. Or “Self-Help” for short. Oh, wait… 😉

  13. Maybe a section entitled ‘Potential’. After all, it’s what people are seeking and trying to find. And if they are not seeking their ‘Potential’ and stumble onto it, they may be drawn to it.

    Or ‘Sexy Book Section’. That should bring them in, then [BOOM] E-Cubed?

  14. Why is the reaction of so many of my friends and loved ones so antagonistic and powerful whenever I broach the subject that our consciousness is manufacturing the reality we experience? There is a large part of my mind that has not bought into the idea; so, I understand their scepticism. Even if this is just a fun mental experiment, why then, does it evoke such anger, bordering upon rage with some of my loved ones? I am not a strong person and I usually defer to their position, that material wealth is the only virtue in the human experience and greed the one true emotion.
    But after I’ve been shut down I still wonder why do they protest so much?

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