“I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement and everybody is working very hard to make me happy.”– Terence McKenna
Elizabeth Gilbert used that phrase in a Facebook post that was brought to my attention the other Sunday by my power posse. I mentioned how, during my February workshop in Switzerland, I freaked out because I’d run out of material by Saturday afternoon when I still had Sunday to go.
Speaking in public, up until now, has been one of my demons, one of the last “stories” I seem to protect. My heart races, my fears start jabbering and my thoughts get to moving so fast that I’ve considered buying them a training bra.
A couple of marvelous women from the workshop in Bern (one was a banker, the other, a mystery writer) invited me for drinks and dinner Saturday night. My old self, the one with the running bra thoughts, would have declined. After all, I needed to go back to my hotel room and work diligently on tomorrow’s workshop.
But if I was truly “smokin’ what I was selling,” I would go for the joy and the fun and trust the universe.
I took the hit! I went for drinks and dinner, had a marvelous time and woke up to the Divine serendipity of great ideas for Sunday’s workshop. It went great!!!
Last Sunday, I spoke in Denver at the I Can Do It! conference. Same crazy running bra thoughts, same fear.
It went quite well. Or at least I thought so. I got lots of rave reviews and a long line of people wanting me to sign books. I felt good. I went out to celebrate with two old college friends.
But that night, when I returned to my hotel room, an email popped into my inbox from a woman who had attended the workshop.
She said she was disappointed. She was writing, she said, to help me, to point out how uncomfortable I seemed and how I wasn’t the caliber of the other speakers.
Needless to say, my crazy thoughts had a field day. They even urged me to ignore one of my chief Course in Miracles lessons–“In my defenseless my safety lies.” I was tempted to write her back to ask, “And this helps me how?”
I also considered canceling all my upcoming gigs. But then I remembered another one of the things I “sell.”
If you don’t like the way your lipstick looks in the mirror, it’s pointless to fix it on the actual mirror. You have to fix it in yourself where’s it’s actually fixable.
I realized that as long as I still “yammered on” about my fears of public speaking, I was going to continue to see that reality in the mirror. She was just voicing that part of myself that still believes the old story, that still thinks criticizing myself will somehow improve me.
And I realize that those critical running bra voices offer NOTHING helpful. I just need to observe them. And love myself anyway.
Pam Grout is the author of 17 books including E-Squared: 9 Do-it-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality and the recently-released sequel, E-Cubed, 9 More Experiments that Prove Mirth, Magic and Merriment is your Full-time Gig.
51 Responses
I’m smokin’ what you’re sellin’, and magic and miracles keep happening. Thanks for that!!! Other than listening to your interview with Jessica Ortner, which was great and fun, I have not yet seen or heard you in public. But your writing style (I almost just typed “smile”) is smooth and easy. If you speak anything like you write, I am sure you sound great on stage. Someday, I hope to find out in person.
Pam,
You are fabulous!
Keep up the great work, I enjoy it immensely!
Have a great weekend:)
Best Regards,
Peter
Peter Northgraves
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Pam, You are wonderful! Mirror work time for you, cause you are a delight. Jean
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You …! Your words are always so timely for me, you are one of my greatest teachers. Thank you and I will hear you speak in person, I can’t wait, I know I won’t be disappointed!
Thank you for your honesty. How hard it is to let go sometimes of these stories we have swallowed and regurgitated through the years! Keep fighting the good fight. Clearly, you are winning! I love your style and hope someday to see you in person, I know you are an awesome speaker!
Hello Pam,
I love your honesty.
If you’d like to overcome your racing heart, jabbering fears, fast-moving thoughts and quit “yammering-on” about fears of public speaking I may be able to help you.
I am a practitioner in Melbourne, Australia. I hold Skype sessions with people from all over. I use a number of techniques, primarily FasterEFT-style tapping. It cuts to the chase.
Performance anxiety is something I’ve overcome for myself and I’d love the opportunity to work with you to help change your experience. We can use Skype with or without the camera – works either way.
Please let me know if this sings to you.
Have an amazingly awesome day!! Heather
Some people feel the need to point out deficits in their vision. That’s all. A class I used to attend (haha required by law to attend for consequnces of my own actions…which I wouldn’t change now for anything in the world) taught me something amazing. The therapist running the class told me, “This is million dollar therapy if you make it that way.” I was pretty cranky the first several classes and thought he just sucks at teaching…speaking….explaining…rehabilitating…helping in any way whatsoever. I soon realized…I got out of it what I wanted and that was it. The moment I realized this….my life changed and classes became fun..engaging…million dollar stuff. So don’t take personal that someone was disappointed because they weren’t ready to get what they needed out of your (I’m sure inspirational and fun) material. She couldn’t see what you had to offer. Obviously others…probably many, did! I would have loved to attend.
Pam, I was there on Sunday and you were adorably wonderful. In fact, I keep thinking about all the brave souls who came to the stage (at your kind invitation) to share something of themselves. Public speaking can definitely be super awkward and hideous, but seeing everyone’s bravery and creativity, and watching how the audience responded to them, was inspiring and had a great impact on most of us. Please don’t get all perfect and polished and comfortable. That can feel like you’re marketing a product. You come off as super real, and maybe even a little nervous like the rest of us would be. That’s the very thing that sets you apart from the crowd and makes your message so powerful!
Thank you for pointing this out! I wanted to comment about how the very human awkwardness and nerves are exactly what makes a teacher like Pam SO much more effective and accessible to some many. But until I read your comment I didn’t know how to say it. I often share things about adopting a positive worldview etc and hear that I am just “falling for the gimmick”; that it’s all “multilevel marketing” “like Amway”, and that real people can’t do it in”the real world”. Posts like this one reassure me that my perspective -seeing Pam, other teachers and all of us on this path as real people in the real world trying out tools and ideas to make our own lives and the real world better-is completely valid and logical. I believe it was the Dalai Lama who said that’s why we call it spiritual practice. 😉
Pam you are my hero !
You always inspire me and I love your way of interpreting A Course in Miracles 👏👏👏
I am reading the Way of Mastery and wondered how you are approaching it … It’s so exciting and I am a voracious reader who just wants to devour it as quickly as possible . However I’m trying to do a chapter a week and really focus on the exercises and meditations … Any suggestions whenever you have time would be so much appreciated …
Love
Angela
OMG Pam I loved this! I gave a TEDX talk at Berkeley 2/28/15 and seriously thought I was going to die before I got on stage! Where does all that &^%$ come from? I know better!! We should do a workshop together on this alone. A week before I was on Google looking to see if anyone ever died giving a TEDX talkâ¦it was the worst and robbed me of such joy and yet I couldnât control it. I prayed, visualized, prepared, you name itâ¦it was insidious like a fog that sucked me in. I hate to even give it any energy however it was what it was. Thanks for sharing this, nice to know I am not alone. I have never loved anything so much in my life and feared it at the same timeâ¦.other than falling in love!! âº
Carolyn J. Gable
âBraveheartâ
President and CEO
New Age Transportation, Distribution & Warehousing, Inc.
847-545-1894 x129
Pirates Credo:
“The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Put your (mental) whip away. There’s a reason there aren’t very many pirates left 🙂
Now; effective public-speaking is nothing more than thinking out-loud. I’ve read that most people don’t experience speech pathology issues when “talking to themselves” unless they are questioning the validity of what they are saying. So, just talk/lecture to yourself out-loud and allow the audience to listen in…They will assuredly enjoy the conversation you have with yourself, if you do 🙂
All the best,
DP
Oh my goodness…OMG! This is an awesome tip. I am totally going to keep this in mind for future public speaking! I Like It! Thank You!
Pam, thanks for the post. I’m sitting in the food court at Costco and laughed REALLY loudly when I read the training bra metaphor. I needed that laugh. I appreciate the lesson you shared. I can SO relate. I am an author, too. One lesson I pull away for myself is that scary things don’t have to be scary. They only are when we say they are. Thank you. 🙂
I think Wayne Dyer says “what other people think of you is none of your business” (something like that)
I love reading your books and blogs . you have so many amazing things to say, things that give you those ah ha moments. Keep up your inspiring self, you’ve changed the lives of many!
Did you see the lightbulb ding? My first reaction was “how rude of them!” My ego took the bait hook, line, and sinker.
But I have learned that we pull everything to us. It wasn’t her – as it’s never “them”, it’s always “me”. And I need that reminder from time to time!
The Universe gave you a glorius lesson! And by reading this blog, I got a timely glorius lesson.
Love you, Pam
You’re the best!
Lynne
Pam, FEAR of speaking and most other things are best illustrated by your recent experiences. Then, the fear of failure (part of the first one) and then fear of disapproval, which can really sting, even for a few moments.
I cam up for an acronym for FEAR in my book, “How To Take No For An Answer And Still Succeed,” which some have told me has helped them. However, I don’t think you need help as you’ve overcome these things and passed on the learning. But always (and I still have this, after over 30 years of public speaking) there is that stage fright, the butterflies who fly year round. : )
F.E.A.R. First Evaluate According to Risk.
Pam, one of your best! I just love how you have given us the beautiful knowledge of just being and allowing it all to unfold and revel in it..
I think one of the most liberating ideas is the realization there is no plan against you – and never was. Only our own fears show-up to reveal the personal barriers we have erected against freedom.
I wish I’d been aware of this as a kid growing up, but I STILL sometimes struggle with the amazing notion the Universe is out to get me – in a good way. You teach this well.
But caliber also lies in a willingness to hear the message – no matter what kind of bra the speaker may (or may not) be wearing.
i believe in myself because of you, you believe in yourself. I can’t even imagine you where not good on the stage.
Pam, you have a wonderful gift in your ability to share your beautiful spiritual understanding in such an inspiring and entertaining style! When it comes to the public speaking, may I suggest these words of yours that I use almost every day: “The universe has my back and everything is OK”. xo
I think this has everything to do with her universe, not yours.
Dear Pam, I have been faithfully reading all of your posts since reading your books. Every post is an inspiration and wonderful start to the day! You encourage, make us laugh and even share your personal hurdles and frustrations. Your triumphs make us realize that we also can triumph over the ins and outs, ups and downs of this life.
It’s hard not to dwell on a critical comment so I’m writing to help you dilute or negate that negative comment (after your Denver lecture) with my positive support. I’m sending a smile and a hug for all that you do for so many readers and devoted fans.
SMILE…SMILE…SMILE….HUG….HUG….HUG…AND A HUGE HELPING OF LOVE!! Thank you for all you do! With warm regards, Pamela Hoops
Sent from my iPad
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My wife turned me on to your message. We follow, so many of the teachers that you follow. C.N.M. JERRY / ESTHER. ECT.please contact keri, myself. And send us some material s so we can teach people that need your faith and message. KERI IS A CERTIED YOGA TEACHER who studied under Garmouk in la . I’m one of LA. TOPAudio engineer.Let us be of service. To You and others. Maurice/ Keri
Amazing how so many can love us and our work and tell us so and we grin and put it away. Yet when one discontented person steps up to criticize our joy can be sucked right out of us and throw us into doubt enough to consider quitting. Been there. Learning that it’s their issue not mine and we just don’t mix. And that’s okay. Nexxxxxxxt! You’re the best Pam!
Hi Pam! I’m the lady that pulled you over for a selfie as you left the room in Denver (have both books, but not with me so I didn’t want to stand in that loooooong line:-) And I must say that exactly because your presentation didn’t sound as rehearsed as others is what I loved most! I didn’t want to be “preached to”, but wanted to see your energy flow as things progressed effortlessly. How you let things morph in a real time situation. I wanted to feel your energy which was so light and fun. Your presence put a smile on my face that lasted all day long. What a terrific time!!!!
You listen to your great big, beautiful, funny, encouraging, life changing voice. You totally rock.
Thanks for sharing, it helps me grow and gives me new tools. Keep up the great work!!!!
Although I haven’t yet had the joy of hearing you speak in person, I’ve listened to SCORES of online radio interviews you’ve done.
And I’ve loved every single one! Even the one you recently shared the link to, the one you prefaced saying you thought you sounded like (we won’t go there). And every time, I’m inspired – EVERY time!
Because, like another commenter said, you’re just…real. And brilliant! Thank you! Your magic comes through in your books AND your words. Know that!
Great post! Powerful reminder to live now and sell it! Love it! Thank you.
Thank You.
YOU ARE AWESOME!! Admire and inspired by your transparency. Always love reading your posts and hope to hear you speak live someday!
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Hi Pam, I LOVE your “work”, actually, I mean, I LOVE your “play”!
Your humour is definitely the very best way of imparting your divine messages.
Have you heard of the relatively new “Havening Technique” developed by Dr Ronald Rudin? If you get a chance, check out his website. In approx 3 minutes you may be able to release the power of those old fears of public speaking once & for all. Best of all, you can self haven yourself in the privacy of your own home by simply watching his technique online. Maybe just the “miracle” you have attracted for today?
I’ll send you a link in the next email.
Happy days, Karen
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Dear Pam,
back in 2000 one of my teachers at the Lee Strasberg Institute told us:
never ever listen to the critics, good or bad, just go within after your performance and check what your heart tells you. How do YOU feel. Just listen to your own INNER TEACHER.
You are wonderful!
Right now I am reading your “Speak the Magic Words” Chapter.
So just as a reminder: You are A WONDERFUL PUBLIC SPEAKER.
I deeply believe it´s not really about us on stage.
Something bigger wants to speak through us.
So let go and LET GOD!
All the best for you,
Ann-Kristin*
Pam ~ I wish I would have discovered YOU, your blog, your books, your message YEARS ago!!! (I’ve been buying your E2 and E3 like a crazy-person and giving to my friends/ family and sharing your emails/posts.). You are changing the world !! I was aftaid of public speaking and then realized the significance of my MESSAGE!! It’s not me – it’s my words. Your words have the ability to change someone’s life! Let there be pauses and silence – it doesn’t matter – it’s the content. Pam Grout you have changed my entire universe and all those I touch. Thank you!!
Pam,
I was in the audience in Denver and I thought your talk was great. In fact, getting to attend it along with meeting you at your book signing was one of the highlights of the conference for me. I loved it! Your personality and realness came through just like with your writing and I LOVED how you invited people on stage with you. You are an inspiration! I get the fear of public speaking and still deal with that myself from time to time. I have also allowed myself to get past the fear on occasion and can tell you that as you settle into your role as a public speaker and dismiss those negative voices in your head it will only get MORE FUN for you. Thank you again for being authentic and putting this out there. Wishing you all the best.
Bryan
Ohhhh Pam:
I am certain your posse has already pointed out that the individual who was disappointed was just mirroring the energy you were radiating that Saturday.
I used to really resist the whole mirroring idea… HA…I did. Now I embrace it. There is something to it.
The Universe hooked me onto your E-cubed book. It was just what I needed to propel me to a higher level.
You who are so loved, and doing the Divine’s work…be well…the thoughts we speak and the words we think create our reality.
I’ve become a huge fan of Eckhart Tolle, and Anthony DeMello (‘The Way to Love’). I believe both would agree that it’s our ego that struggles and is upset. Spirit would celebrate such an experience as you had.
LOL easy to write. Let’s make it easy to experience also ! Always for the highest good of all concerned, propelling us to a higher level of light, energy and love.
Joanie
I AM a doorway for Good a channel for Love and a vessel of Light on this Earth.
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As spiritual as I like to imagine I am, and I AM, sometimes other people say the dumbest things. Your critic was jealous you were up there and she wasn’t. There’s always a spoiler in every crowd. And there IS something spiritually enlightening about that!! We love you Pam!
AWESOME!! I love this. Can’t wait to see ya at Omega! You are an AACFP…Amazingly Awesome Catalyst for the Field of Potential!
Hi Pam
This blog came at such a perfect time for me…Thank you and thank the FP.
Now I too can stop beating myself up over a POSSIBLE mistake I made last week and just notice the voices and love myself all the more!!
Your books are fantastic please write more of them, I bought copies of E2 for my whole family and a few friends for christmas. I let them get E3 on there own
Love and hugs to you
PS My husband and I just bought our tickets to see you in Orlando. I know you will ROCK!!!
> Subject: Re: [New post] Are you smokin’ what you’re selling? > > Hi Pam, I LOVE your “work”, actually, I mean, I LOVE your “play”! > > Your humour is definitely the very best way of imparting your divine messages. > > Have you heard of the relatively new “Havening Technique” developed by Dr Ronald Rudin? If you get a chance, check out his website. In approx 3 minutes you may be able to release the power of those old fears of public speaking once & for all. Best of all, you can self haven yourself in the privacy of your own home by simply watching his technique online. Maybe just the “miracle” you have attracted for today? > > I’ll send you a link in the next email. > > Happy days, > Karen > >>
Pam, I was there at your amazing “playshop” in Denver. Your humble and honest personality is exactly what sets you apart from the rest. You are so easy to connect with and relate to in both your writing and in person. I walked out of your workshop full of energy and inspiration. You are making a difference in so many lives. Keep it up!
Pam
I love you energy, honesty and openness of spirit, and this post particularly struck a cord with me because at my company we transform how people tell stories and give presentations. If you are ever open, we’d love to skype with you for an hour and help you get rid of your running bra for good. Let me know if you are open!
Warmly,
Mary Jo
What a great blog. It’s honest and so inspiring. Every time I do something daring and bold, like speaking, my mind laughs at me, mocks me, riddles me with doubt. I’m going to teach my mind to tell some jokes instead.
Hi Pam I really love your books and your emails, you inspire me to keep dreaming big, being bold in life, and trusting the Universe to have my back. I just want to mention, in your book, Living Big, you mention the town of Bampf. Bruce Poon -Tip’s movie went to the festival there, however the correct name is Banff. So knowing you are a travel writer as well as an awesome mentor of Universal Energy, I imagine this is a typo in the book, purchased on KoBo. Thought you might like to know. Unless I’m wrong and there is a Bampf Film Festival in Canada. But I know Banff has a big one, and it’s pretty well known. I live in Calgary. Is it important? Probably to Banff, otherwise maybe not, but thought I’d let you know. Being bold. Thank you, Shelley Hanna
Sent from my iPad
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Thanks, Shelley!
Pam,
Great stuff! I’m in constant battle with my thoughts that try to give into fear and like you, I observe it and move on.
Hi Pam! A very warm hello from ‘Paulerspury’ – a little village in rural Northamptonshire, England! 🙂 I’ve been catching up with my emails and have just read this post from you – relating to your feelings about your fear of public speaking and the negative feedback you received from one of the participants etc. Well….I don’t know if you’ll get this email… but I just had to reach out to you to tell you how much YOUR VOICE – your heart felt, earnest voice, enriches my life! As far as I can see, your voice is dedicated to sharing some of the secrets of this beautiful universe of ours, encouraging us to seek the magic innate in all things and ultimately, raise the vibration of the planet! I’m sure I speak for a great many people when I cheer – ‘THANK YOU PAM’ for all that you are and all that you give of yourself to others in this world. How many of us can hope to touch the lives of so many people so positively?!!! I’ve got 4 of your books, so I kind of feel qualified to award you such high praise!! 🙂 So… please keep on using that beautiful strong voice of yours. It comes through loud and clear in your books and emails and is heard by all those truly open to your message!! Much Love Lucy x Oh yes – and as for all those magical energy experiments…..I just had to share this story with you!… I, like many readers of E-Squared and E-Cubed have countless tales of crazy, wonderful stuff happening but this one may make you smile…. When I asked for the number 222 it appeared within a record breaking 5 hours of me asking for it! In short, our 5yr old daughter woke from a bad dream at 1am one night and as I rushed out of bed to comfort her, I heard an Owl above our bedroom window hooting…. ‘Toooo…Toooo…Toooo!’ (We live in a village surrounded by countryside). Being half asleep I asked my other half – “Is that owl going ‘Twit-Twoo’ or ‘Too Too Too'” “Too-Too-Too” he said. Why?!” Well…I was so excited I could hardly get back to sleep! 🙂 x
Hi Pam, I was at your presentation in Denver. I have not read your books but was curious. I asked in the session to see Poppies, a flower that reminds me of my dad. Toward the end of the session, I leaned over to pick up my backpack and looked over the seat in front of me (the person had gone up to share a vision)–there on the floor was the Hay House journal we’d all been given–and it had Poppies on the cover. I hadn’t even noticed. Such a great reminder that what we want is in front of us if we ask.
Also, I had to laugh at your story of the critical email. Years ago I moved to Chicago to work on a book. I became friends with a lovely woman, a published author, who told me early and often how hard it was to get published. I finally realized she was simply reflecting the voice in me that was saying the same thing–this is impossible. Once I owned her voice as a gift, reflecting my doubt, I could shift my doubt and her comments didn’t discourage me. And Crown published my book, Gifts from Our Grandmothers!
Thanks for your work.
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